Rambling

You think you see the real me when you look, but you have no idea what the truth is. Sometimes, i'm honestly not sure i do myself. I've been hiding behind this smile for so long that it hides the truth even from me. Behind it is a current of trouble that could drag you down for eternity if you let it. There is so much hidden in there. So many things i've burried, and covered, and packed down, and tried to forget about. But it's like trying to bury a seed. Eventually it will grow back up and come back to the surface. So i pack it all back down again.

There are a lot of things that i don't tell people. Not that they are horribly bad. But they are things that people either blow WAY out of proportion, or the shrug off like it's nothing. And i just need someone who is willing to see it for what it is, and to walk the middle ground with me. I just want someone to hear what i have to say. Just listen. That's it. I mean, is that REALLY that hard to do? I guess it is, because that is what i've wanted for a very long time, and have yet to get it. Oh well, just gotta keep trudging on huh?

Tonight i am going to do tuna salad for dinner. Easy, and it's what i'm in the mood for i guess. AND it's easy. Didn't get much else done around the house like i wanted, but that is bound to happen when i feel so blah. I hope that once the weather settles down, that maybe my pain will too. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. Just gonna have to wait it out and see. And then House is on. So gonna watch that, maybe. I don't know what i'm doing other than that. I'd LIKE to get a good bath but that's always hit or miss with the girls and Ruben. Depends on how he feels when he gets up, and how the girls are acting. But if nothing else, i'll take a shower after the girls are in bed and Ruben's at work.

Tomorrow is Ivy's last day of school for the week. Then i've got them for 5 days. Not that it's HORRIBLE, but it's no fun when we are as broke as we are right now. Means a lot of sticking around the house and watching the same movies over and over and over. And the weather is gonna start getting cold this week. Or at least it's gonna be cold a few nights, and mornings. So we aren't gonna feel up to being out there too much anyway. I don't know. Might find a few good movies on netflix and spend the day just chilling. IDK. Any ideas?

For now, gonna get outta here and get all the parts of dinner together so the girls and I can eat soon. Desi's in the bath, ivy's in her room, and Ruben's still asleep, so it would be a good time to do it. BLAH

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