my cluttered mind

There is so much going on in my head right now. Seems like there's more even than normal, which is saying a lot. If you know me, you know my manic moments. The way i can change topics in a heartbeat, ramble on for mere minutes, and change it again. The way even I can't keep up with everything all the time. The fact that it happens as much as it does really frustrates me sometimes. I can't wait until we can afford for me to go to the doc on a regular basis so i can possibly keep this under control. I guess we will see though.

Right now we are waiting on our income tax return to come in. There is so much that has to happen with it that i just hope we can make it all work. I know we need to get both cars in our name and get AT LEAST the tibby running well. The grand am can just be an emergency car for when we just have to have it. That's gonna take a little chunk, but it's ok. Then we are gonna get our Gen Con tickets and set back the money for the hotel rooms and the money to drive there. THAT is gonna be a HUGE chunk, but it's something we've wanted to do for a few years now, and we are going to make it happen this year. Then we are setting back about 3600 bucks to cover the money we need due to the garnishment and have a little extra money each month. Not a lot, but enough. Between Federal and State, we are looking at just under 8000 dollars. I just hope we have enough for everything we need. I have NO CLUE how much the cars are gonna cost, and we are wanting to have right around 1000 bucks to cover the badges, the hotel rooms, car gas to drive there, and a little spending money. Just gotta make sure that we can make it work. Gonna have to see how much Daniel is gonna cover, and go from there. I know it will be an awesome trip! I just hope we aren't getting our hopes up and then it not be able to happen. And we need to pay Amanda back, which is 350. And Ruben wants to get a tablet of some kind (like a nook, or a samsung galaxy tab) Then i want to get a new camera. Might just see about getting another point and click kind, like the Nikon one, or something like that. I guess we will see what happens. I guess we will just have to start with the important things, and then work our way down the list. Shouldn't be TOO bad.

Tomorrow i go deep clean for the family on base. Gonna do a deep clean, which is going to be 100 bucks (of which, 50 is already gone, lol) But that leaves us a little extra to go do something with this weekend. No idea what we would do, but i want to do something. It's never really hard to do when i'm out there. Just a matter of the details that takes so long. And with the deep cleaning, it's got a few more details to take care of. Hopefully i'll feel ok and i can bust it out in about 4 hours. At most, it will take 5. I just need to be sure the cell phone is charged up so i can let Ruben know what's going on. HOPEFULLY it won't be that bad. And hopefully i'll wake up not hurting as bad.

At some point today i need to at least straighten the living room up and straighten the kitchen. Not deep clean, for sure. I don't want to tax myself too much with me having to clean so much tomorrow. I just know i want to be sure that it's at least better by this evening. i'm tired of looking at it.

I have so many things that make me anxious. Things that NEED to get done, but that i just can't get past the stopper that is anxiety to get done. I need to get the girls soonercare reinstated, and then i HAVE to get Desi to the doc for her shots. We are behind, and i can't stand the thought of it. They are gonna look at me like i'm stupid when i go get them done. Or like i'm a bad mom, which honestly is how i feel about it. Just need to get past this damn anxiety. It is SOO frustrating. And then i need to get all the stuff together to get Desi enrolled in school cause that will be coming up soon, and i want to be sure that she gets in. There is always a waiting list for pre-k, and i don't want to end up on it, or miss her chance. I know Ivy loved it, and i'd love for Desi to have the same chance. So i guess we will just see. I need to get it done though. I want to find her a new doc though. I hate having to deal with their old doc. I've only had one chance moment that wasn't that bad with them, and it was when Desi was WAY younger and had a crazy high fever. They had her file ready when we walked in so we didn't have to wait. Totally great. But that's the ONLY time i've had with them that wasn't a pain in the ass. usually i have to call and wait on hold for an hour just to make an appointment for almost a week later. What's the point in having a pediatric doctor if you can't have walk ins when that child is sick? We always end up going to the ER, where they ask me why i didn't take her to HER doc, which i have to explain. It's just a big mess. And honestly, i'm sick of dealing with it. Just gotta get things to change. I hope this year goes a little better as far as my anxiety goes. Even if i have to go to the doctor up at the OU clinic to get some meds to help. I kinda want to go anyway.

Speaking of extra money too, there's a job offer that i am SERIOUSLY considering. Ruben doesn't want me to take it, because it will be all the way to the other side of the northwest expressway, almost to Edmond. It's about 19 miles one way from my house to there, which makes for an almost 40 mile commute each time i'd go out there. BUT, i could charge mileage (or at least a discounted rate for a friend) plus the regular daily fee. It's for a friends mother who is moving out on her own and she needs some help with errands, and cleaning, and stuff like that. It wouldn't be really hard work, and in all honesty, wouldn't take that long to get out there. That trip from here is about 30 minutes (which i've honestly driven further to in some of my other jobs i've had up here) It's a straight shot up the interstate, and then just a tiny jot on regular streets. I just need to find out for sure what i'd be doing each visit, and work out a price that we can both be comfortable with. If that works out, that would be my doctor money. BLAh. I just have to convince everyone that it's a good idea, lol.

Next week should be pretty awesome. Ruben gets paid. We might possibly have our income tax return. Ruben took off Sunday and Monday nights. Saturday i'm supposed to go hang out with a girlfriend of mine for a while. No clue what she wants to do, but it should be fun to hang out. Then Sunday we are going to a play for the girls. Disney Live, with Cinderella, Snow White, and Beauty and the Beast, is coming to the Cox Convention Center. So that's gonna be pretty kool. And then Monday is my birthday, so Ruben's gonna take me out to go do stuff. He's talking about taking me out to the shops at OKC and letting me pick out a few things. Probably gonna go out to dinner too.

Right now though, i'm going to get off the computer and watch some tv and relax. I'm starting to hurt again, so i'm gonna take some painkillers and rest. Here's hopeing the next few days go well. Lots planned for the next little while. I just need to get as much rest as i can. LATERS!