Yeah, bored as hell, even though i know there are a million and a half things that i need to be doing right now. The living room is going to get finished tonight come hell or high water. Just might take a little while since i have no motivation at all to do it, lol. Oh well, whatever.
I know that tomorrow is going to be interesting. I'm either going to get 20 or 40 (not sure if that's going to be two weeks worth or not if it's 40, but i'm sure i will find out, lol) to go out and help a friend of mine start working on her house. They want to get the kitchen started at least, and i would like to get it done. It shouldn't be too difficult with there being the two of us working on it. They want to get the dishes done, the cabinents wiped down, and reorganized. I'm good at most of that, as long as the dishes aren't super gross, and even then, as long as i hold my breath i can get them done pretty quickly. I Know i want to head that direction not too long after dropping Ivy off at school so i'm not rushing around and all that. That way i can get there with plenty of time to get the work done and get back in time to pick Ivy up from school. If i can get out there by 10ish that will give me 4 hours to bs around and get the work done. I think it will be good for both Jaqui and I to get to spend time together, to accomplish something, and to make James happy, at least a little. It shouldn't take too terribly long. If we do one room at a time, and work together, and they can keep it up, it will be mainly just little stuff every week that has to be recleaned up. I think it will work out well. Just have to wait and see.
I'm finally feeling a little more human right now. It's nice to not hurt from head to toe or to feel sick as shit. Guess it was probably just something i ate that made me sick. Don't know for sure, and hopefully i don't find out again.
Tonight i think i'm going to do little smokies and shells and cheese (i can get another shells and cheese for the sos later). That just sounds really good to me, and it's super stupid easy. Maybe tomorrow Jaqui and I can get some pizza (if James is able to get that money there) for while we clean and stuff. That sounds good to me too. It will be nice to have a little extra money for me to shit around with during the day. Even if it's just an extra 20 a week, that's 20 bucks we didn't have before, and that's awesome. Most of the stuff i like to do doesn't require a lot of money, so that would be great for me. I know that one monday i'm going to invite Rachel and Jaqui to go to the zoo with me and Desiree and Ruben. Either that, or i'm going to go with Ruben and Desiree on a friday while Ivy is at school and it can just be the three of us out there. Ivy might be pissed off, but we can take her another day. Hopefully it will start to cool off soon and stay cool so that we can go do more stuff outside. I really enjoy being outside, but not when it's super hot or super cold. And with Desiree, we couldn't do those two things anyway.
I discovered a new quicker way to get Ivy from school when i walk up there. It doesn't require walking all the way around the streets to the school. It's walking around the softball field and through the playground to get there, which is actually much much shorter (or at least it feels shorter) to get there, and we don't have to fight with the traffic for as much. If i can find a way to hold Desiree while we walk instead of having to drag along that stupid stroller we will be able to walk up there a lot more cause it doesn't take so long. Just depends on the weather and if i can hold her. Guess we will figure it out later.
I cannot wait until after the first of the year. My birthday is in January, and we will be getting our income tax return around that time too. Hopefully everything works out and we are able to get the things done that we want to get done so we are able to do the things we want during the year too. It should be really nice if it all works out, and if it doesn't, at least we will be able to survive with what we have. It's nice to know that we can make the bills every single month, and not have to fall behind, and still have some extra money to thro around. I need to get ahold of the bank and get our latest bank statment sent to the house here instead of over to my mother in laws house. I haven't gotten a bank statement in a couple months, and i don't know what's going on, but i know i will need it to go to our food stamps appointment that hopefully won't be too far away so that we can get it taken care of in time to actually receive the stamps on the first. Just depends on the stupid caseworker i guess. Lets hope it works out fast.
I need to get together for that appointment : Ruben's paycheck stubs, the bank statement, a letter stating that i'm not working, our id's (hopefully Desiree's birth certificate will work out until i can get out to get her SSC replaced), Rent receipt, and i'm sure there is something else. Have to look that up and find out for sure, cause i'm not going to rely on the caseworker to get it done on time if i have to bring anything back to her. She's so fucking slow that the last two times i have had to deal with her we have gotten our food stamps a couple days late (at least this time we should have a little extra left over on the card and a little cash to spend on food if she fucks up again) There are times that i want to just scream, and have them change our caseworker cause it's frustrating. And now with the new DHS system, we can't even call and talk to our caseworkers directly. We have to send a message through the answering service, then wait for them to get it to the caseworker and for the caseworker to get back to us. That to me is stupid and frustrating. It's no wonder that Oklahoma's DHS is rated among the worst in the country. They need to step up and fix it, but instead they are focused on covering things up and saving their own asses. WTF, seriously. Shouldn't the families in their care get the treatment they deserve? OK, enough ranting about that.
I love watching my two girls playing together. Desiree is walking back and forth between the ottamen (sp?) where here sister is sitting, and her playpen. Mind you, its just a couple steps back and forth, but at least she's walking. It's cute to watch. They play so wel together most of the time, even though they are so far apart. Hopefully that doesn't go away anytime too soon. They are so good to each other right now. Desiree is walking over, hugging her BIG, and then walking back to the playpen and LAUGHING. It makes me smile so big.
Right now, for no real reason at all, i am craving an alcoholic drink or ten. Just kinda want to go numb a little for a while. It's so hard to be at home all day with no other adult. People think i'm crazy when i say i am so lonely, because i have at least Desiree with me all day, and then Ivy's home after school. But what i don't think they realize is that it's hard to have a conversation with either one of them about anything that i actually care about. So sometimes i just want to not feel anything. Too bad that i don't know how and when to stop. It's never just one drink, or one pill, so i just have to stop myself before i even start. At least i know how to say now now. I've had to deal with it too much to not know what's going on. I know better, as much as i hate to admit it, than to allow myself to do that again. I risked everything i had before because i drank so much. I can be good, even though it's hard. But i guess in that regards, it's just a matter of the fact that life is never fair.
Neway, i need to get off the computer and get some shit done around the house before Ruben wakes up so he can wake up to a really good clean house.
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