crossing my mind

It is hard sometimes with Ruben working nights. It's hard to fall asleep because i'm always stressing over EVERYTHING. I catch myself thinking about all the things that could go wrong, and what i would have to do if i were faced with them. It's exausting to have to fight so hard to fall asleep. And then i will just fall asleep and the girls, or the dog, or the cats, or some random noise will wake me up and we start the entire thing all over again. Most often then not, i find myself waking up more exausted then i was when i went to bed, and having to find time during the day to rest because i just can't keep up.

And it doesn't get any better during the day. I find myself so freaking lonely because i'm having to deal with the girls and all their stuff, and i'm doing it all by myself. Today was the first day out helping Jaqui clean the house, and it was actually really nice to get out of the house and help out a friend and all that jazz. Their house isn't messy (dirty) so much as just cluttered. There is a TON of stuff, and it just doesn't have a place to go.... YET! I will be helping then with that the next little while. It felt good to get to do things for someone else. Mind you, i'm exausted, and sick of dealing with the whiney kid, but at least i know that i have something to do at least once a week, and i will be making a little extra money in the process. That way i won't feel so bad for going out and doing things with it. I know i want to try to go out to the zoo soon, and the movies, and stuff like that, and if i can manage to go without the kids, all the better for it, because i know i need to have some time out of the house.

Right now there are things that i need to get done. I need to get the Kitchen HERE picked back up and straighted up. I need to get the rest of the laundry put up, and i need to look at the stuff that Ivy brought home from school. I also need to get Desiree changed and put down for a nap before she drives me to drink. So i'm going to go do that now. LATERS