trying to deal with it

but it's not working so well. With everything that has happened this week, i am extremely overwhelmed. i feel like the world is literally falling apart around me, and that i am going crazy. I feel like i'm falling apart physically. It's been over a week since the accident, and things aren't getting much better. The pain is overwhelming sometimes. No matter what i'm doing, there are moments where i just want to sit down and cry. I try to keep a straight face and not let the pain show because my girls need to see me strong. I find myself doing things that i know i'm not supposed to be doing. Been drinking a little too much the last few days to numb out the pain and the anxiety and all the thoughts running through my head. I need to find time to get back to the hospital and find out what's really wrong. There aren't any broken bones, but it feels like they are sometimes. I just hope that they can figure it out so they can help it go away, cause i'm not sure i can handle this much longer.

i'm going to try to get out there tomorrow and find out what happens. Hopefully we can actually make it out there. It's exausting, to say the least. I've cried more the last week and a half then i have in the last few years. It hurts so freaking bad, i'm not even kidding. It's bad because it's moved from just my ankle to my knee and hip too. i'm sure it's because i'm using them to compensate for the ankle, but at the same time it's so freaking hard and overwhelming.

I need to get up and get dinner started, and get the living room and kitchen cleaned so that we can actually let bella stay out of the bathroom tonight, cause with her staying in the bathroom the last few nights has been annoying cause she's so loud. I bet i can get it done, if i get started NOW. ruben won't be awake for at least another hour i'm sure, so that gives me a little while to get this shit done. Lets hope it actually happens.

LATERS
LYZ