I have so much to say to you. So many thoughts running through my head. But i just can't find the words to let it out. I can't words that you would understand. So instead, i'm just going to start writing. This is going to just be private, but if someone does manage to stumble across it, realize that most of what i'm writing here are emotional triggers, and not actual true thoughts of everything and everyone. Some of them might be true. Some of the are not. Don't assume you know the difference. If you have a question, don't hesitate to ask. I'd rather answer a question you feel might be stupid then to deal with a billion questions from a billion different people who have no fucking clue what's going on. So just do me that favor, ok?
I get so tired of hearing people bitch and complain about the circumstances they are in, and then do NOTHING to change them. You say you're tired of living under your parents roof, but even though you are making enough money to get out on your own, you stay there. You feel some kind of sick loyalty to the people who do nothing at all for you. That doesn't make sense to me. If you hate it so much, and you hate the way they treat you so much, then what is the big holdup? You've said you've tried to get out on your own. You've gone and taken tours and picked up applications and all that jazz, but you never follow through. Just do me the favor of not complaining all the time. Either do something about it, or shut up.
If you're stupid enough to believe everything i say to you, then you're the dumbass. I say a lot of things that aren't true. Most of the time it's to hide something that's going on that i don't want a lot of people knowing about. Sometimes it's to hide the truth about how i feel about a subject, or person, or situation. It's a bad habit that i've been in for a long time. I never felt like i could tell my parents, and my family friends, all the things i was doing. I always felt like if i told the truth, they would judge me. so i kept it hidden, by telling one lie after another. And i'm still doing it, to this day, even when i don't have to. Maybe someday i will be able to change that. I hope so.
That's about all i can type right now. I need to go eat something. Then i need to clean house. Friends are coming over tonight. Hopefully there will be alcohol, and lots of people. I need to drown out this feeling i've been fighting for a few days.
LATERS
