I wish people could hear my heart, cause it's got a lot to say. It's hard to find words that explain what it means. It hurts to know that you are so far away, and no matter how much i wish for you, you won't just appear for me. I need a hug. I need a cuddle. I need to be told that it's all gonna be ok. Nothing is really wrong. Nothing is bad. We have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, clothes on our back, and great friends and family to help whenever we really need it. But it just seems like the rut i'm stuck in gets deeper and deeper. I have trouble finding things that keep me occupied for very long. Sometimes i DO find something, but i can't do it for long because it's hard physically (which doesn't take much, with the whole fibro bs) Folding stars, i like to do, but can't cause my hands hurt. I like to go for walks, but i can't for long before i start to hurt and have to sit down. I like to play my keyboard, or my violin, but again with the hands and stuff. It's frustrating.
On the flipside though, i am happy to see my girls growing and learning and discovering. Desiree has discovered a love of puzzles, and has done the same two over and over and over and over. And she also loves to sing, and keeps making up songs, and watching shows that have songs in them and sings along, and all that jazz. And Ivy is doing great at school. Her scores are awesome, her tests they give them to test their reading and stuff are at or above benchmark, a new test they take on the computers are at the number they want her to be at BY THE END OF THE YEAR already, and they aren't even halfway through the year yet. I'm just so proud of the progress she has made at this school. It never ceases to amaze me when she comes home telling me of something she learned at school that day. My girls are amazing. I know, i'm probably biased, but still.....
I hope i feel better tomorrow. My house is a mess and i need to be able to clean it. It just feels better when it's clean. At least for the most part the girls bedroom and our bedroom has stayed clean. If i could get OUR closet cleaned and organized it would be great. I need to get the laundry in their sorted and washed and all that. It's just an aweful lot. So i'm gonna need to get it sorted into loads and maybe hit a day or two over doing laundry while the kids play. We for sure need to get the blankets washed. It's getting that time of year that it's gonna be cold, and we need our good warm blankets washed and dryed before it gets TOO cold. I like to keep the house cooler. And winter is the easiest time to do that, lol. So we need the blankets to curl up under. I got the girls toys cleaned and organized in a way that they SHOULD be able to keep up with them better. Just have to see. Otherwise, i am SOO getting rid of some of them. It's not like they can play with most of the anyway. And if we did get rid of them, we would donate them to some charity so other kids who actually NEED the toys can play with them. It's just a matter of getting rid of them without the kids goign CRAZY. Guess that's something to work on.
As far as the rest of the house goes, yeah there are still things that need to be organized better, but i've got it to where it's pretty easy to keep up with (as long as i'm not hurting like hell). So even on days when i'm busy running errands, or chasing Desiree around the house, i can still get it pretty well cleaned back up before the end of the day. That's a good feeling. A very good feeling.
So my plans through the end of the month are as follows:
Tomorrow: Ivy has an awards ceremony in the AM, and then i'm gonna get the house clean, come hell or high water. I'm tired of seeing it a mess.
Friday: Pretty much just gonna do stuff with the family. Gonna be ncie to just take the day off. Go to bed when we need to, get up when we want, etc.
Saturday is our halloween day. Gonna go to Trick or Treat city in MWC midday, then hit up a few other places, like his job and the in-laws house, and then we are gonna go to Haunt the Zoo that night, where daddy can actually come with us.
Sunday is, of course, laundry day.
And then Monday we are gonna go trick or treating in our complex, the office, and maybe a few other places we know of local that won't be too bad. MAY go out to Mustang, if i can get ahold of Rachel and Korben to go with them for a bit. I know the girls would like to go someplace new. Guess we will see what happens then though.
Then Tuesday is the 1st, so it's grocery day, and probably cleaning day again.
So all in all, a busy few days, but that's ok. no biggie. Busy is better than bored. We all know the trouble i can find when i'm bored, lol. And that's never a good thing.
Right now, i'm off to bed. NIGHT!
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