Worry is exhausting

There are so many things that i worry about that aren't even happening yet. And i won't write them here, because saying it out loud gives it strength. I am afraid of what it could mean, but at the same time being worried about it doesn't make it any better. So i need to find a way to let it all go. Accept that if it does come to pass that we will make i through. SOMEHOW we will make it. We have survived some pretty crazy things. I have to have faith.

It might be a good time to pull out my pagan books and do some meditations, or some devotions, or even a rit or two. Just to see if i can get rid of some of this anxiety. I am almost out of valerian root, so i haven't been taking it real regularly, and i can definently feel the difference. I don't have any more of my other pills. So i'm having to face this head on. I just need to figure out something. It gets difficult.

At least i was able to get a lot of things for the girls for christmas. Highland park put our names on a list to get free christmas gifts, so i got to go pick them up quite a few things. They each got a few things that they will really like, which makes me feel a lot better. Even if things don't go as planned like i've worried about (still not giving details) their christmas will be awesome. So that takes a weight off my chest.

Next week is Ruben's payday, and we will do the rest of our christmas shopping then. Basically just have a few things to pick up for his family, and then the rest can be spent on our. So that's gonna be good. Already got a few other things ordered, and a few already made, s it's pretty much the guys that need stuff. Which shouldn't be TOO hard. Guess we will see, lol.

For now though, i'm gonna go get ready for dinner and try to get Ruben up. HOPEFULLY tomorrow i can find some motivation to get the house clean. That, and we are wanting to take the girls to see some christmas lights. Maybe drive through the one in midwest city, or drive out to ski island and see what they have going on. Get us out of the house and see what we can figure out. And i know when he gets paid again we are gonna go hunt down some of the little glasses that show the lights in a really awesome way.

Anyway, i'm outta here. LATERS