People always say to look for the up side, the good things, the silver lining in your situation. And for the most part, the last year or so i've been able to do that pretty well. Always able to find the good side of the darkness, and the light at the end of the tunnel.
But for just over three weeks, i've had to deal with pain and numbness and tingling in my lower body. I'm exhausted all the time, walking hruts, clothing and other things touching my legs can be so painful sometimes i just want to cut it all off. Of course, it doesn't work that way. The longer it goes on, the more it drains me. I have great friends and family who have been there for me through it all, but they are all fighting their own battle too. I'm torn between being selfish and focusing on myself, and being there for everyone else. And me, i can't just sit around and feel sorry for myself. I seriously want for this to just be a horrible dream, but it's not. And i seriously just want to know what is going on, so i can fight it for sure. Gotta get the paperwork finished so that hopefully i can get some health insurance sometime soon. ALthough that's a bit scary too, because what if they want a lot of money for it, or just more than we can afford. IDK what to do.
And to top it all off, i've got people thinking i'm just crazy and that it's all in my head, and not in a neurological way. It's frustrating to have the same discussion with the same people over and over and over, and having to say the same thing over and over and over. It seriously makes me just want do things that would make it all go numb.
BUT, i've been good. I avoid the things that would lead me down an even darker path, and instead just distract myself with TV shows and putting my feet up.
I just need prayers and peace and hope. So it's just frustrating.
Neway, i'm out of here. Just need to curl up and cry for a bit. LATERS
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