So What Wednesday

Getting to this post a little later than I meant to, but it's still Wednesday right now, so it technically counts ;)

So what:

if I went grocery shopping by myself this morning, and actually enjoyed the time away. 

if I cry when i'm stressed out

if I wish that this year were over already so we can try this whole thing over again

if I HATE fireworks unless we are outside watching them somewhere open

if I can't understand how some people can be so calm all the time while I stress over everything

if I can relax by trolling pinterest for a few hours ;)

If I read for a few hours a day even when my house is a mess

If I am not gonna miss summer and the crazy heat

If i'm actually kinda glad that I can feel a manic state coming on.  Means my house might actually get clean
and I might actually get some of the other stuff I need to get done done.

If I'm still self concious even though I know I look pretty good to everyone else

If I feel horrible for the above statement because I know a few people fighting with their weight, and i'm complaining about a few lbs of baby weight left around my mid-section.

If i'm a little upset that I can't find amusement in the small things like I used to be able to.  Damn stress.

If I miss you so much it hurts, but I don't reach out to you for reasons i'm not willing to share.

If I dream of just running away for a while.



Now, don't get me wrong.  Life has gone CRAZY, but I'd never just drop everything and give up.  I stress like the world is coming to an end over the stupidest things sometimes.  And I cry when I'm stressed, so some days I spend more time crying than I do anything else.  But I'm a fighter, and I know that at the end of the day there are more important things in life.  And as long as THEY are safe and sound, that's all that really matters.  I think my biggest issue right now is the fear of the unknown.  The fear that the past is coming back and happening again, despite our best efforts.  And I don't want my girls (especially My Ivy girl) to have to go through that again.  Moving that often in such a short amount of time is exhausting, not only physically, but mentally too.  So I just hope things work out the way some people are so certain they will.

For now, I'm trying to focus on the good things.  On the things I can control.  And I just hope that is enough.  I guess we will see what happens.

I could use all the prayers and well wishes you can muster for me.  We need all the help we can get right now. 

LOVE YOU
- Me