Good days and bad

Ok, this gets a bit rambly, so sorry for that. 

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Lately it seems like I have more bad days than good, both physically and mentally/emotionally. 

I've been so freaking homesick the last little while. 

Missing my best friends something FIERCE. 

I have great friends up here, don't get me wrong. 

But we all have our own things going on, and rarely get to see each other. 

And with Car issues, and money issues, and health issues,

I can't get out of the house all that often anyway. 

BEYOND FRUSTRATING

So I spend the majority of my time lately sitting around the house. 

Watching TV series on Netflix

(although I'm about to need another one, lol)

Or trolling around the internet trying to find something to keep me occupied

Or amused. 

I used to be obsessed with pinterest

And sometimes I can still kill a while on there

And facebook games are ok for a bit

But I get bored easily, and they don't hold my attention long

I did recently get roped into WoW finally, lol.

Thanks to a great friend, we got the Mists of Pandaria expansion

Which means I get to play a Panda Monk

In a beautiful Oriental environment.

But even that can't hold my attention for too long

An hour or two MAYBE before i just wanna do something else

So I've started writing a bit more.

LOTS of poetry - some happy, some sad

Even got an idea for a childrens halloween story

from another friends pets on WoW

Lil Diablo and the Creepy Crate

Yeah, no idea where to take it just yet.

But that's the perfect childrens book title, don't you think?

Lol, yeah, maybe it's just me.

The last little while I've had some pretty bad physical days

Days were even walking Ivy to school is difficult

All I wanna do is curl up with a heating blanket and cry

Even everyday stuff causes my legs to tingle like MAD

And if I push it too far past the tingle stage

- well, that's when the pain starts.

Ever accidently shocked yourself on an outlet?

Remember how it makes your arm feel?

Like it seizes up and HURTS, and tingles and surges

That's what it feels like.

Like someone plugged my toe into an electrical outlet

and my legs seize, and hurt, and tingle

And go super weak

I think my sis-in-law might be getting me a kick ass cane for christmas

So I can have something awesome for the bad days

It messes with my head sometimes.
I mean, I'm only 29 - ALMOST 30

And I already need a cane sometimes?

How screwed up is that?

But it's ok. 

I mean, this disorder is a pain in the butt

It is frustrating, and emotional, and depressing

And sometimes you just wanna give up

But then you look around at the people around you

Those supporting you through it all

Those offering a hand when you can't stand up straight

Those offering a hug when you just wanna cry

And it  makes it a little less difficult

So yeah. 

Right now, I'm stressed out

which makes it all that much worse

Stressed about rent money

About the car

About my health

About when the garnishment will fall off

Relationships are worn thin

And my mental stability is a little less stable

I'm ok though.

Or at least, I will be

I've accepted that I can't do it alone

And i'm no longer afraid to ask for help

because without help, I'd never be able to do it.

This last weekend, I busted ass

And got my house reorganized and cleaned.

Even found a good portion of my bedroom. 
It used to be all cluttered and dirty

and now there are actual paths

with nothing in the way

You can see the floor

Books are organized

Clothes are organized

You can't quite find the closet

but that's another project for another day, lol.

I'll get to it eventually.

One thing's for sure

It was nice to be able to walk through the room

in the middle of the night,

and not fall over something or have to dodge something

Instead, it was a clear path from one side of the room

to the other, with nothing blockin the way

IT WAS GREAT! :)

Got lots of big plans for this next year

And I just hope that even half of them come true

With the main one being a car that works

So we can visit arkansas again. :)

For now, I'm gonna get off the computer

And catch a catnap before it's time to get Ivy

Then I've got things to do around the house

Gotta finish the dishes

Gotta clean out the pantry

so I can finish putting the groceries up

Gotta pick up the living room and game room

And then my house will be back to where it needs to be

As long as I can do this every day,

It won't ever get as bad as it was

And I won't have to kill an entire weekend

to get it back this way. :)

Here pretty soon, I'm gonna clean out our closet

And the girls closet/ dresser, and their toys

And the hallway closet too.

And then I'm gonna sort through it

Gonna sell a few things

and then donate the rest to either goodwill

or to someone I know will use it.

Because we just don't need all this clutter

We have plenty of space in the apartment for all our stuff

Just gotta get rid of the stuff we don't actually need

and rearrange the stuff we do have.

If anybody has a loft bed they no longer want

or know of anywhere I can get one for CHEAP after income tax

PLEASE let me know.  I'd like to get one for the girls bedroom

Set it up, with some of their toys underneath it

And actually find their bedroom too

And then maybe they can keep up with it better

UGH!

Ok, sorry, started rambling a bit there.

LOVE YOU GUYS

MISS YOU MORE

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN

LATERS

LYZ