A new year and a new me and a new rant ;)

We are 15 days into the new year

Hard to believe two weeks have passed already

But I've noticed a lot of changes already

Maybe it's the new year

and it will settle as the year goes on

IDK.

But I do know that I'm being more positive

More optimistic

Still down to earth, like always

But willing to believe that things will be ok

without us having to bust ass to get there

Yeah, we will have to work.

No question there

And I will NEVER shy away from work.
It's not that

It's just knowing that we are doing enough.

That we have enough.

That WE ARE ENOUGH.

I can feel myself trying to go negative sometimes

And this year so far, I've made it a point to turn that around

To find the good in everything, instead of dwelling on the past

To see the trees AND the forest AND the flowers too

I've made it a point to find things I enjoy doing

and the time to actually do them.

And it's making a difference.

Seems the people in my life have started to notice

And that feels good too.

However:

It's been one of THOSE weeks. 

You know the ones I'm talking about.

Where you have SOO much that you want/ need to do

But you just can't find the motivation to do any of it.

I mean, there weren't any SUPER important things

Not really

But there were things I SAID were important.

Like cleaning the girls bedroom.

Cleaning my bedroom

Throwing away stuff we don't need

putting up laundry that's been clean for a month now

Finding better ways to organize things we already have

Etc etc etc.

The list literally goes around the block and back

And how much of it did I actually get done?

Not a damn thing.

I was hurting so bad this last few days

That all I really did was straighten up each morning

and lay around, dealing with the girls and my pain

all damn day long

while thinking about what I should be doing.

I know it's ok.

It's not important.

It can wait.

My health is more important

Etc.

And I KNOW these things

But it is still frustrating as hell, heh.

That, and I am anxiously awaiting our income tax return.

Not even because we have tons of extra money to throw around

But because the money we DO have plans for

is going to super important things.

Paying back people we need to pay back

Fixing the car so we can actually use it

Getting a new TV cause ours has been broken for MONTHS

And setting back money for an actual vacation

The other money is going to be spent as we decide

But those four things are the important things.

I can't wait to have a car that ACTUALLY WORKS

and doesn't guzzle gas every time we go around the block for something.

A car we can take to do things

and know we won't have to put more gas in halfway there.

I've been so manic, so that will be wonderful.

I'm seriously missing my people in Arkansas.

I can't wait to get to visit and hang out

It's been too damn long now.

Seems to ALWAYS be too long as of late.

HOPEFULLY we can make it a point to visit a bit more

At least we got to see my parents not too long ago.

That was an amazing trip.
We did a lot, talked a lot

and appreciated the company. :)

It's hard to believe I am only 15 days away from 30!!!

I feel so old. ;)

Haha, not really.

But it is hard to believe.

Seems like just yesterday I was in high school

Getting ready to graduate

and dealing with all kinds of drama

And now here we are 12 years later

with two kids, and a husband

and a few extra physical things

But ya know, looking back

Life has been pretty darn awesome.

Yeah, we've had some damn difficult times

Where we weren't sure if we'd have food

living in one bedroom

with no heat while I was big preggers

And it was hard as hell.

But we've had the greatest support

from friends, and family

who seem to come out of the woodwork

just when we need them most

We've never gone without a roof over our heads

or food in our stomachs

or clothes on our backs

And I honestly know a lot of people

who've had it way worse than we have.

It really made me step back

and look at the good things in life

and realize that we really have had it good

even when things were so bad.

And I know things could always go bad again

Just when we think we've settled down

life throws something else at us

and we scream and bitch and piss and moan

but we take it one day at a time

and we always end up where we NEED to be

even if it may not be where we WANT to be

And it's taught us that we don't get anything for free

And that as long as we do our best

everything will work out in the end.

Sometimes I may have a horribly hard time remembering that

But thanks to an awesome husband

(who can be a pain in my ass sometimes, lol)

amazing friends

(Who I don't get to see NEARLY often enough)

and super awesome family

(who drive me BONKERS sometimes)

I get reminders of that.

And truthfully, I'm starting to realize

that no matter what happens

We will always be ok

This year I made myself a few resolutions

No specific goal ones, like so many

But some general goal ones

I will always do my best

and be the best person I can be

I will help those in need however possible

I won't let my circumstances define me

And I will do my best to find the GOOD in everything.

Because remember this:

Everything is ok in the end

If it's not ok, then it's not the end.

And that honestly got me through this year

with all it's ups and downs

and crazy BS that we had to deal with.

Anyway

Listening to Celtic Women

Waiting on Melatonin to kick in and knock me out

And hoping for a good nights sleep.

And sending prayers and good thoughts to you too

For a good nights sleep

and to wake tomorrow refreshed

and ready to tackle whatever life decides you need to tackle

And always remember this my friends -

I am here for you

I will listen to you rant

I'm your shoulder to cry on

I'm your hand up when you fall

I will do whatever I can for you

I LOVE YOU!

Never, ever, forget that.

Goodnight

Sleep tight

Sweet dreams

Lyz