Wish it were SATURDAY, lol. That's MY funday. But hey, whatever right? It's monday, so it's back to the grind. This weekend wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. Didn't do anything, yet again. Worked on the house just a tiny bit, and spent some time with the girls. I took ivy around to play at the school playground, and really enjoyed getting to sit on the playground equipment and just feel the wind and think. I need to do that more often, cause it was extremely relaxing, for sure. I have decided that it's time for a new me, and i'm going to stick to it. And fair warning, if you don't like it, i don't care. not one bit. So i'm going to start changing little things about me, and finding things that make me happy to replace them. I have decided that it's not worth it to try to be perfect for everyone else, and be completely unhappy doing it. I know that i'm not going to be drinking as much, because it makes me feel like shit all around. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. It either makes me extremely depressed, and i cry a lot and want to do bad things. Or it makes me extremely horny, and i rarely actually enjoy trying to take care of it though, because of being drunk and dizzy and all that shit. I've been doing better with the stress thing, and letting things in the past go. there are still things i can't let go of, and it's really hard sometimes when those memories come flooding back. Had a very intensely realistic dream about him last night. It was so real, that when i woke up i half expected to see him laying there asleep beside me. Of course, reality hit me like a fucking rock when i reached over and found nothing but a cold pillow. I'll be fine, like always, it was just hard. I have a lot of friends who deal with a hell of a lot worse then i do, and so when things start going worse for me, i remind myself that it could be a hell of a lot worse, and that helps me work through it a lot faster. I write about it, or draw something, or go for a long walk and scream a little, and then when i come back it's a better. I'm glad that i have so much support from the friends i've got. Even when i do things that are wrong, i have support to make it right, and move past it. It's a good thing, for sure. I am so glad that i have met the people i have met the last few years, because without them, i'm sure things would be a lot worse. It's one of those things that i wish i could express my gratitude better, because it is so hard to say how much it means to me. Maybe one day i can help them out as much as they have helped me. Just have to wait and see if the opportunity presents itself, you know?
this morning i woke up feeling like my body was rebelling against me. It felt like every joint was trying to pull apart, and the muscles were as tight as a rock. Ended up having to take half a lortab, and i got to lay down and take an hour nap, so it helped greatly. I'm feeling a little better now, and i'm about to go get some of the errands run that need to get done. Need to go to walmart and get the drinks stuff. Then i need to get some more ice cube trays cause Ruben has a horrible habit of breaking them, lol. We used to have like ten, and now we are down to one cause he's broken the rest. I have never seen someone break them as fast as he does. It's been just a few months, which amuses me honestly. but whatever. And then i am going to try to go find something else to do, since i'm really bored, and i have a little extra money. Don't know what i'm going to do yet, but i'm sure i can find something, lol.
Right now i'm frustrated as hell because i think that our DHS caseworker has still not got our case finished and turned in. It's not my fucking fault that she has taken forever to get things done, cause i have done everything i needed to do in a timely manner. I had the form turned in on August 31, which was when they said to have it in, and then it took her TWO WEEKS to finally call me to have our interview over the phone, and THAT SAME DAY i brought the information she needed in. According to the person i just spoke with, before losing connection, it looks like the last thing logged on our account was the REQUEST for that information. Seriously? WTF is up with that? i have done my work as quickly as i can, and she's taking her sweet precious time to get things done? I just don't understand how she can be so lax in her job when she's holding their food stamps cases in her hands. That's our money for food, and she's being a bitch and taking her time and we are probably going to get them late again. If we do, i'm going to want to pitch a fit and see if we can get a caseworker who actually gives a damn about their job. I am going to have to bite my tounge to make sure that things don't get out of hand. I just hope that she can get it done on time, because this is so fucking stupid. Blah, blah, blah. Neway, i need to get off this subject before it pisses me off even more. Ok, after waiting on hold FOREVER, i finally got ahold of someone who knows what the fuck she was talking about, and found out that she did get it done, and it is just waiting on the supervisor to review it, which means as long as everything is ok, we should have them on the first. Might end up with less food stamps, since i seem to remember him getting a raise in the last 6 months, so his pay has gone up, but i can't remember for sure. I'm not worried about it. i know we can make it work, so yeah. That's taken care of now, at least, and we will find out thursday what happened with it all.
Right now, i'm going to get Desiree dressed, throw my bra and my shoes back on, and get out of the house for a while before i go stir crazy some more. I need to eat something, and i don't even know what i'm in the mood for. Guess i'll do that before we leave too. Probably a peanut butter sandwich, like i usually do when i don't know what else to do.
Neway, laters everyone.
Comment if you want, cause i'd like to hear your thoughts on it all.
LYZ
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