Frankly, i'm tired of the whole love/hate thing. If you don't like me, that's fine. To be honest, i could care less. And if you don't like me for some stupid reason, that's your loss, not mine. There are TONS of people out there, and it's no loss to me if one of the hundreds don't like me. I am who i am, period. I'm not going to be what you want me to be, and i am not even sorry anymore. It's not worth it. It is completely impossible to please everyone we come into contact with. There is no freaking way. I have quit trying. Starting today, i am going to be happy for me, and nobody else. I know i can be abrasive sometimes. And i know i'm stubborn as hell. I can go through every emotion in the book, and rather quickly too. So hold on if you give a damn, cause it can be a pretty bumpy ride. I have this bad habit of seeing the good in people. It's a fault, and i know it is, but i really do believe that there is good in everyone. It all comes down to rather or not that person chooses to be good, or not. And it's really the same with people and being happy. I believe that everyone can be happy. And it honestly has nothing to do with circumstances. I've seen people who have NOTHING, or less than nothing, still sitting on the corner smiling. I've seen people who struggle every single day to make ends meet laughing and smiling and having a good time. It's not about what life gives or takes away. It's about how we handle what is thrown at us. It has taken me a very long time to get to the point in my life where i am starting to really understand that. I have a lot of things go wrong in my life. Don't get me wrong, it's nothing big or really bad. It's the small things that build up and build up and build until it feels like a mountain of bricks. It's never just one brick that really crushes a person. It's the loads of them, and that's what it feels like sometimes. A mountain of bricks. It has always amused me when someone tells me to not sweat the small stuff. I rarely have much else go wrong, at least anymore. there are a lot of things that have gone wrong in the past. And the way i've started to look at the here and now is that, if i can overcome all that bad stuff from the past, and move on to become a better person, that this small stuff, even when it's stacked up on top of me, can be tackled the same way. It's about taking that mountain of bricks apart one brick at a time. And once that mountain has been taken care of, it's about dealing with things as they come, and moving on. It's not about holding on to that brick to take care of until tomorrow, because i promise that tomorrow will come with it's own brick. So why not take care of the problem now, and set it aside, and move on. It's not about the potholes in the road, it's about finding a way around them.
And now that i've used all the stupid illustrations, it's time to vent about some of the small things, and move on to bed. I get so frustrated with Ruben and his games. Especially the final fantasy games, because once he starts playing them, he rarely finds time to do anything else. Today was laundry day, same as every sunday. He went to bed early, so he was awake when i got home. It was a good thing, because he had done the dishes and had dinner started. But at the same time, while we were eating dinner, he was still playing FFX. I don't mind sometimes, cause it's a pretty game, and if i have something else going on, it's pretty background noise. But when i've come home from a long day out at his parent's house, i want some attention from him. Instead, all i got was a little bit of conversation, talking over the game. He did offer to stop at one point, but honestly, it wasn't really worth it. So i got up and sorted through laundry. I had taken a good painkiller earlier, and i was feeling pretty good, and i was wanting to get the laundry that has been piling up actually put away. So i asked him if he would help me once i got it sorted. He said yes, and three baskets later, still no help. I did manage to get a lot done though. Got the hall closet cleaned and organized back out so we can see everything in there, instead of trying to pull shit out just to find one little thing. Then i got his clothes hung up, and mine folded and reorganized into my dresser. not too shabby for someone who feels like crap because of it being that time of the month, and having a migrane most of the day. thank god for good painkillers sometimes. I'll probably down another tomorrow and get the rest of the house done, lol. I still have Desiree's and Ivy's laundry to sort through, and i want to get it done right. Ivy has her school clothes, her night clothes, and her play clothes, and i want to get them all sorted out and put up right. And then Desiree has a lot of clothes that don't fit her anymore, and some more that she's just growing into, and i need to get all that sorted out and put up right. And tomorrow is grocery shopping day, so we will do that after i drop ivy off at school. So yeah, lots to do tomorrow, and i definently need to get it done cause i've been putting it off for too long.
I know this next week/weekend i need to go out and do something. Don't really care to be honest what it is. But i need to get out without the kids, and probably without the hubby. I need some GIRLS time. Some time to talk about things guys don't want to hear about. Some time to just relax and not have to jump up every few minutes and go do something for one of the girls. Some time to just be me. Not mom, or wife, but ME. I don't get that enough anymore. So i'm probably going to find time to get to the movies with my sis-in-law, probably saturday morning. And between now and then, i need to find time to get out and do something else. Maybe while Ivy is at school one day i can take Desiree out somewhere. Maybe to a friends house, or to the park, or something like that. I dont know. it's hard sometimes to really think of things to do, especially when we are kinda broke, lol. Speaking of money, i need to call and talk to the landlady tomorrow and let her know what's going on. We aren't going to have the rent until Thursday, since so much shit came up, blah. We had the tag renewal, the regular bills, and then we had to replace a damn tire, so all we have towards it right now is three hundred. It really sucks when things just don't work out the way you need them to. At least we are able to make the bills every month. Some might be a few days late, but at least they get paid. So yeah, need to let her know what's up, and then find a way to get out to her on Thursday to get it paid.
This next weekend i hope i feel better. i want to actually get the house done. i want to get ivy's bedroom and the kitchen done. the rest of the house looks pretty good, but those two rooms are a disaster. it really wouldn't take too much to get them all done. It's more about the time it would take. Ivy's room especially. She's got SO MUCH STUFF that needs to find a place. I'm hoping i have the energy to get at least the clothes put up. And then i'm going to try to start on ivy's room, so that i can get stuff done while she's at school and not right under my feet the entire time. She's got organizational stuffs in there, it's just a matter of putting things where they belong.
neway, i think that's enough just rambling for now, so i'm going to log off, and take my exausted butt to bed so i can get some much needed sleep. wish me luck on a full nights sleep and waking up refreshed. I'm sure i could use it.
GOOD NIGHT ALL!!
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