Watching as the world around me changes

It amazes me how quickly some things change. Between watching the girls grow up, and watching the neighborhood around us change, i realize just how fast life changes. If you had told me 10 years ago that i would be married with two children, own a car, and on the way to owning a house, i probably would have laughed in your face. Now, sitting here, i can't picture myself anywhere else. I had so many dreams for so many different things when i was younger. I wanted to be an actress, a singer, a dancer, a writer, someone famous. Now, i don't think i would handle the fame very well. I like my quiet life. Quiet is good. Sometimes things outside these walls is just too fast and too loud and too much to handle. At least in this house we can kinda control what happens. It's easier to control the things coming in and out when we are at home. Yeah, don't get me wrong, there are times where it gets kinda boring, and i want something new. That happens quiet a bit, but i've come to realize that it doesn't have to be anything big to change things, ya know? Just something as small as rearranging furniture, or renting a new movie and poping some popcorn ane watching it with the family. It's beautiful sometimes to realize just how the little things can sometimes cause big effects. I haven't lived that long in the grand scheme of things, but i have experienced so much more then some people ever have to deal with in their entire lives. I used to think it would destroy me, eating away at me for the rest of my life. Instead i have realized that all the things that were destroyed, or broken, or whatever due to the past was just a chance for me to replace them, or fix them, with much stronger stuff. I am so much stronger now then i could ever have imagined i would be. And i know that if i can help at least one person with my stories, or my experience, then i'm doing ok. If i can make on person smile today, it's a good day. Every day above ground is a good day, and it's true. Cause even when things are the worst of the worst, at least we are still alive, and that gives us a chance to make the most of it, and to make the rest of our lives better. There was a show on lifetime a while back. At least, i think it was lifetime, idk for sure. But anyway. It was about a girl who was homeless, with just the clothes on her back, and she went on to go to harvard and graduate. It doesn't matter what you have, or not. It's about what you do with the chances you have. I read a quote by Helen Keller that said something along the lines of this : When life closes one door it opens another. But sometimes we look so long at the door that closed that we don't see the new opportunities. And i've realized it's true. If we are forever looking backwards, at the things we've lost, or the chances we missed, we are being passed by for new chances. I'm not going to let that happen anymore. I refuse to be that person sitting on the front porch looking through the photo album while the world around me changes. I'm going to get out there, experience it, find new things, and show them to my friends and family, and most of all, i'm going to raise my daughters to be the same way. Not to worry about what the world has taken away, but to see what life has given back if they stay strong.

To all those i've lost, i will forever remember you, but i'm through doing nothing but miss you. To those i have gained, Thank you for your friendship. It means more to me than i can put into words right now, and it forever will. For those who are struggling, Stay strong, and keep your head up and eyes open for the new chances coming your way, cause they are out there. For those who are holding on to dark secrets, find a way to let them go, because all it will do is eat away at your soul until there is nothing left, and it's hard to come back from nothing. I know, i have had to. And for all those who have helped me come back from the brink, you all mean so very much to me, and i hope you never forget that.

For now, i need to finish sorting through Desiree's clothes. I'm about to have to go get Ivy. And then i'm going to come home and i'm bound and deturmined to get the rest of the house done today. Hopefully it won't take me all day, and that way we can get started on Ivy's room today. If not, then i will probably tackle that on Thursday. Then Friday Ruben and I can get the Kitchen done, and the house will be finished. That will be a good thing, for sure. To actually be able to use it without tripping over things, will be a nice change indeed. Then soon we need to get over in the other garage and start sorting through things, and cleaning it out, and throwing it away. That is going to be a HUGE task, that's going to require ALL of us. Blah, not looking forward to that. Thank goodness it's still a little ways off, lol.

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