Right now, i feel like i'm having a breakdown. I'm at the end of my rope, and i feel like i'm about to fall and there won't be anything there to catch me. I can't stand the thought of failing at anything, and we are less than a month away from things either falling completely apart, or things finally working out. I just pray that we can make it work, because i can't stand this anymore. The biggest problem we seem to have isn't with ourselves. We are doing everything we can do to make ends meet. Right now, it's everything and everybody else in our lives that keep fucking it all up.
I have a hard time keeping my cool when dealing with my in-laws. They do so many different things that i just don't understand. If you're gonna complain about something, at least have the guts to get off your ass and do something about it. Don't like the fact that you aren't making that much money? Find a better job. Don't like living with your parents? Get a job and a car and move the fuck out. Believe me, we did it, so can you. Don't like the fact that you're sick all the time, or that you hurt all the time, etc? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Research things to help with the pain, or start eating healthier. Don't like the fact that the house is so dirty? CLEAN IT! Do it a little at a time. Don't have to have it all cleaned in one day. Just focus on one room, and clean it all the way. With the dishes, keep up with them. Wash them out and put them in the dishwasher as you go, and once it's full run it and empty it out when it's done. I know that sounds a lot easier than it actually is for a while, but once you're in the habit, it gets a lot easier. Keep up with the main rooms in the house on an everyday basis. That makes them a lot easier to handle. Or, if you are too fucking lazy to actually get up and do something, STOP BITCHING TO ME!!! I am not going to be the one to dig you out of your holes, or loan you money, or pick you up when you fall anymore. I have a life of my own, and my own list of problems. I can't take care of everyone else anymore. I need to focus on making my life stable, so until you aren't going to come around rocking the boat, stop coming around, PERIOD!
I am so stressed out right now. waiting i think is the worst part of the whole lawyer/settlement process. I don't hear anything from them for long periods of time, and then when i do hear something it's nowhere near what i want to hear. If they would listen to me, and communicate with me, we would probably have this fucker settled already. As it is, i just pray we can get it taken care of in time to take care of what we need to do. I can't make ends meet much longer without having to get a job, which will cost way more than it's worth. So please, if you actually read this, pray for us to get this settled quickly and for the amount we need. But to be honest, even if we don't get the amount we need, at least we can have the settlement taken care of, and out of the way, and know what we have to do from there. Hopefully it works out, but if it doesn't, i just need to know. The sooner i know what's going on, and how much we get out of this, the sooner i know if i have to find a job or not. And how much we have to come up with. If i could go back in time, i probably wouldn't have hired them, and we would have set back enough to cover the entire years car payments. That way we wouldn't be worried about this at all. We would have it taken care of, and the settlement would just be an extra thing that was a nice surprise. Instead, it's a necessity, and we are coming up on the time we have to have it, and just praying we get it in time. UGH!
Desiree has been cutting more teeth, and feeling like crap because of it. Ivy is bored, and driving me crazy because we can't afford to do anything that we want to do. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and hot and stressed. Ruben has been hurting really bad, and there isn't a whole lot that makes that better. Then you add the being broke, the heat in the apartment, the stress of waiting on the settlement, and the stress of having to deal with/help out/listen to everyone elses problems and bitches. I'm fucking DONE! I just want to dissapear for a while. Turn off the phone, no internet, just be at home with my family and enjoy some peace. I doubt it would happen, but hey, a girl can dream right?
Neway, i need to get dinner ready, wake Ruben up, get Desiree to bed, and relax a bit before i have to go pick my father in law up from work in just about 2 hours. BLAH!
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