Nervous energy

I've got a TON of it right now. Totally getting super excited about the classes starting on Saturday. Gonna need to leave her kinda early to make sure that i get there in time. I'm not sure if i'm gonna take the interstate or not just yet. We replaced the car, so i know THAT is ok, but i'm not sure if i trust myself in the car with it still acting up. Honestly, i'll probably take city streets for the first little while. That way i know that if it does act up i can stop a lot easier, and i can take care of it. No cell phone, but most of the places i'm going are gonna have houses and stuff around. not too worried about it. Can't let it psych me out, ya know? Otherwise i wouldn't go at all. And i'm not gonna give this up. It's something i've wanted to do for a while.

All i know is that next time, i'm gonna sign up for the class at a closer hobby lobby. The next one will probably take place at the hobby lobby over in midwest city. That way we aren't haveing to worry about me driving so far all by myself. At least, i'm hopeing i can make that work. Since it's one of those things. If the class isn't at a time that works with Ruben and I, then we can't do it. It needs to be on a day that he goes to bed early, so he can be up in time if it's in the evening. Or it needs to be on a friday or saturday during the day. I just hope the next two months of classes work for us, cause i want to be able to take them, ya know?

And i FUCKING HATE LIVING IN APARTMENTS with the goddamn apartment brats. They are let loose to do whatever they want, while their parents don't give a shit. They treat the other kids badly, and then throw attitude when they get called out on it. And then they wonder why I get all upset with them. UGH, sometimes, i feel like i'm having to raise an entire apartments worth of children, lol. I know that things can change, or at least i'm optimistic that they can. The fact that they came back and appologized (not sure if it was authentic or if it was just appologizing so i wouldn't tell their parents) means there is some potential there. I don't mind letting her play, and i'm trying to teach her ways to deal with things better. You can tell she doesn't get much time with other kids outside of school. I know i'm too protective sometimes, and i hate having to deal with situations like this when they come up. I need to accept the fact that she's gonna get made fun of, upset, and hurt by other children. I need to accept that the only way she's ever gonna learn how to deal with it is to experience it. Doesn't mean i have to like it, just means tha tit has to happen. Life isn't easy. It never has been. i was made fun of horribly in school. And i'm sure she's gonna have to deal with bullies and stuff like that. It's gonna happen. The thing that I need to do instead of shelter her from it is to teach her about it and teach her ways to deal with it better. Today, we had a good talk after it all went down about respect and responsibility. And we also discussed compromise. The things that they upset her over were pretty stupid, and if they had actually told me what was going on, it wouldn't have upset me as much. Maybe next time they won't be so quick to run away. Maybe then they can explain what's really going on (because hearing it from all of them at the same time will make sure the story is the same and right) and we can all learn to get along, lol. I am such a hippy!

So now they are home, we are home, ivy's doing her homework, and i'm gonna get started on dinner soon. Gonna do poppy seed chicken tonight, because it seals up good and can be put back for Ruben. He didn't get to bed until almost 4pm! Which means he's gonna be exausted! But we already bought a monster for him, and i'm gonna let him sleep as late as i can. Gonna have all his stuff ready to go. His uniform, his computer ,his shoes and socks, and his drink. That way he can get up, eat, and get dressed without having to search for things. That way, he can leave on time. Then tomorrow he will probably have to take an early nap. That way he can still sleep that night. Just something to help him make it through the rest of the evening. And then Saturday we might get up early and go for our early morning walks, and then i have class, and then i can come home and take a nap after that's over. That shouldn't be too bad, as long as i get to bed at a decent hour tomorrow night.

Tonight is the new Bones, CSI, and Project Runway. Doubt i'll watch Project Runway. Ruben doesn't really care for that show, and that will be right about the time he's waking up. But the other two will definently be watched, lol. I LOVES ME SOME BONES AND CSI! Right now, i'm listening to some more upbeat music, checking Ivy's homework, and then starting dinner. That way i can relax a few before things start to get crazy again. Desiree's down for a nap, finally. Ruben's out, Ivy's done with her homework and can play in her room peacefully, and that gives me time to get my stuff done without TOO much trouble. Just need something to take the edge off this damn pressure i've got now over all that shit! UGH, sometimes i hate being so damn emotional. I'd love to have been able to just shake it all off. I mean, seriously? They are just a bunch of spoiled damn children. It shouldn't get me so upset. I'm the adult after all! BLAH.

So yeah, i'm off here. Probably gonna do a shot or two, turn the music up, and get to cooking. That way we can eat semi-soon. I'm hungry, tired, and ready for this day to be over! i'm so ready for the weekend. For the day i get to spend with Ruben, for my class, and for the chance to do things that i enjoy, with people i love, at our own pace. The weeks always seem so damn stressful and rushed anymore. It will be nice to get a chance to relax again. Maybe i'll even buy myself some liquor for this Saturday night, lol. And then take a GOOD nap saturday so i can stay up a little late again. I know Ruben enjoyed it, lol. And Daniel didn't seem to mind. He didn't say anything at least. We will just have to see what happens.

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