So many things

Right now, there's about a million things i'd like to say to people, but don' thave the guts, or don't want to offend anybody. If yo'ure reading this, and there is something in here about you, i'm sorry if it upsets you, but it has to be said

First and foremost, i'm sick of hearing you SAY you want to get out and be independant and live a better life, but i find out that you keep making excuses about finding a job, and you sleep until noon and you drink and party until all hours of the night. You SAY you want to have a good relationship with your b/f, but you treat him like SHIT. I'm honestly super surprised that he's stayed around in your life for as long as he has. It's the stupid little things that get said that set you off, and the explosions are STUPID! You're a spoiled fucking brat, and everyone else in your life is SO AFRAID to stand up to you that you're never gonna grow the fuck up! Until you have to face reality, without drugs or alcohol or getting you freaking way all the time, you're never gonna REALLY know what you're capable of, and that's sad. I feel bad for you. You could be so much better if you'd just step up!

Next, stop expecting me to just drop everything because you want to see me. First of all, i've almost always got two girls with me, so it's not so easy to just drop everything and leave. Second, it's kinda selfish that you expect me to drive all the way to your place when you aren't even willing to meet me halfway sometimes. I've offered to drive up to bricktown (which is just up the interstate from where you're at) and do ice cream, or a burger, or something like that while the girls played at the park. You refuse to drive out there. There is always some excuse. And they are usually lame ass ones. SOO, i'm supposed to drop everything and make time to meet you all the way at your house, but you aren't willing to drop everything and meet me halfway? WTF is up with that?!

And no offense, but i'm 27 years old, so please stop watching over me like i'm a little baby! If i want to have a drink, i'm gonna have a drink. You just have to have faith that i won't take it too far. My self control is CONSIDERABLY better than it was a while back, and i'm not gonna let it get out of control. I've learned to deal with emotions and stress in much healthier ways. When i have a drink, it's generally a single mixed drink with alcohol that's 60 proof or less. I'm not downing an entire bottle. I'm not taking one shot after another, and i'm not drinking anything that has super high proof. I'm just drinking for the relaxing points. Just something to take the edge off. Why can't anybody understand that? It's just frustrating. I know they are doing it for a reason. I know they are doing it because they care. But the problem with that is, i'm never gonna learn to take care of MYSELF if everyone is always taking care of me. Just gotta let me fall, and help me back up when i do. And if i have to fall a hundred times before i figure it out, then so be it. Shit happens, mistakes are made, and life moves on.

I desperately wish that people would step up. That when they say they are going to do something that they actually do it. that they would be the ones to pick up the phone first, and stop expecting me to make the first moves. I wish that people would actually listen instead of shake their heads in agreement every few minutes while thinking about what they are fixing for dinner. I wish that they would see ME, and not what they want me to be, or what i could do for them. It's frustrating to know that i'm a good person, and that i'm fun to be around when you actually take the time to get to know me, but nobody ever really does. They see me for what i am the first few minutes we meet, which is nothing but a crazy bundle of nerves and anxious energy. I am extremely extreamly shy. well, at least until i've had a beer or two, lol. You have to give me the chance to warm up to you, to talk to you a few times, to really take the time to get over the nervous energy. I just wish that things would start to work out. That the stresses would find another way to release, instead of the ways that i have been using for so long. I know that they aren't the healthiest choices, believe me. But they are what works. They are what helps. I wish that people could see that.

I seriously wish you would be more supportive of me. That the decisions that i make wouldn't come as such a shock. That MY choices would come first every once in a while. That would be GREAT! And i wish that i would be able to tell you off on occassion when you try to tell me that you want something instead of letting me get what i want.

I'm finished letting people walk all over me. Time to step up myself, and be the person i want to be. So beware, if you try to do something i don't like, i'm probably gonna let your stupid ass know. K? Yeah. Just warnin you now!