Is it really too much to ask to want to be remembered? To have someone say they wish they could see ME for the holidays, or for their break from school? Is it too much to hope for a returned message, or phone call, or letter when i spent so much time trying to contact you?
Seeing everyone talking about all the people they get to see for the holidays really sucks. I know my family will never be among those that are talking about visiting this time of year. It's not that it's painful about that, but sometimes i wish that they did celebrate. We don't get to see each other that often anyway, and another chance would be welcome. But alas, it won't happen. But seeing those that i thought were "friends" talking about the people they want to see for the holidays, and my name isn't on that list. Well, that really kinda sucks. We aren't contacted for christmas parties. We have to hear about them from other people. We don't bother to try to throw one because nobody ever shows. This year, i'm making an effort again to try to send out christmas cards, and see if anybody even responds. I don't expect a thanks. Just a "i got your card" kind of thing. I mean, seriously, is THAT too much to ask? Just some acknowledgement that i'm still here? Sometimes, that's all i really need. Just someone to remember ME!
Sitting here, alone, with Ruben at work, both girls asleep, and nobody else to talk to online, makes the lonliness so much worse. The shorter days and colder temperatures makes it bad too. Having it all happening at the same time makes it a million times worse. Watching holiday tv shows makes it bad too. And listening to everyone about their holiday plans, and knowing that i'm not part of that plan at all, just really seriously sucks. My holiday plans consist of opening one gift christmas eve, then waking the girls up early and opening the gifts from santa, and then hitting their grandparents house to open their gifts. And USUALLY coming home and Ruben going to bed. But this year, christmas is gonna be on a Saturday, so maybe we will be able to do something else as a family. I hope so at least. Probably gonna try to have a fire that night, with hot chocolate and a good holiday movie or two. Might see about having a friend or two over, if anybody is up for it (which i doubt, but hey, a girl can dream right?) Just figure out something to make it a special day.
This is the last week of school before the new year for Ivy. Tomorrow they are doing a santa shop, then their christmas party is Friday. Then she's out of school for two full weeks. Not sure what we are gonna do to fill that time, but when ruben gets paid we will do some christmas shopping, and then i get to do a lot of wrapping. More than anything, i'm just ready for this year to be over. Ready for the new year. Ready for our income tax return, and the chance to maybe actually get my settlement. Ready for a chance to actually get caught back up on things that need caught up, fix things that need fixing, and actually get to enjoy a little time. Might see about getting a hotel room, and having an in town vacation. Get a sitter for a night or two, and spend time as a couple. Go to movies, resturants, and bars that we can't really go to with the girls. Just have a vacation right here in the city. There are tons of places and things we haven't done yet, and it would be a good chance to get it done. Just have to see whta happens. I just want to put this horrible year behind us. Move on, start over, and really try to make it an awesome year next year.
Right now though, i'm gonna try to go to bed. A little sleep would be awesome, lol. And maybe i can get rid of my wisdom tooth pain before tomorrow. That would make things a lot better. Lets hope i wake up less pissy than this morning. Here's hopeing.
LATERS
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