hard to swallow

FIRST OF ALL - Natalie, if you're reading this, congrats on the grade chica! C+ is awesome! Especially with all the fear and anxiety you had over it. CONGRATS! Hopefully the rest of the grades are along the same great level! (I'm sure they will be girl. I've got faith in you)

Things right now seem to be at a semi-low point. Not completely unexpected. Technically, this is the end of our year financially. We always say our financial year begins with the filing of our taxes and receiving our tax return. Especially after having the kids, and the amount we get back, it's a great "reset" button on the way things tend to go toward the end of the year.

Ruben and i have both been anxiously awaiting the arrival of his w2. We aren't EXPECTING it at any real point, but it would be really nice to receive it with his check the 13th. That way we could get it filed, accepted, and returned right there around the 15th when the IRS actually starts accepting the returns in the first place. If everything works out, and we get what we are expecting, and soon, our year will begin on a much higher note.

We have been in negotiation with a woman about this BEAUTIFUL car we want. Not getting my hopes up too much, because as soon as i do it will fall through, but hey, a girl can dream. It's a Ford Mustang GT, V8, silver with black stripes. It's GORGEOUS, and the way it's working we are bound to get an AWESOME deal on it, if it works. All the other ones we've been looking at range anywhere from 6,000-10,000 for similar cars. This one...Drum roll please......is only 2900 bucks. There is a reason for it though. She was married, and became pregnant. While she was pregnant, her husband either cheated on her, or left her, and they ended up divorcing. She got the car in the divorce. She says that every time she gets in the car and drives it, it breaks her heart and she cries, so she just wants to get rid of it. She's had it in storage for months now, just collecting dust, and she's ready to get rid of it and move on with her life. She's got it stored with a car storage company, has the papers all ready signed and ready in the car, and has it worked out with the company and her insurance to ship it to us for free once we deposit the money into a holding account through the storage company. the way it works is they ship the car, we have 5 days to "test drive" the vehicle and decide if we truly want it. If we do, they then deposit the money into her account, and the car is ours free and clear. If we DON'T (which i just don't see happening) we get our money back, they come pick the car back up, and we are done with it, no questions asked. SOO, here's hopeing it works out. Ruben did a lot of research on the company, and found that it's actually pretty reliable. Here's hopeing huh?

We are definently at the end of the year financially. We have like 3-4 diapers, Ruben doesn't get paid until thursday, and we have all of 4 bucks in gas. YAY :( *pout* So we are really STRETCHING those diapers and hopeing they last long enough. I think i can make them work, as long as she doesn't have a sick tummy again. and if she does, then we will save the diapers for bedtime, and put her in panties (which aren't too hard to wash out, even though it's super gross) so we don't have to worry about getting her bed dirty at night. Just tonight and tomorrow night, and then he gets paid and we can get some more. UGH, i hate when this shit happens. I know we are going to set back more gas money so we don't have to worry about that again. It's frustrating to be stuck in the house, for sure. I need to run by the DHS and pick some info up, get some forms filled out, get the girls to the doctor, get to the store for a few things, and right now we don't have the gas money to do any of it. I'm just glad the girls aren't getting WORSE, although at this point in time, Ivy's not getting any BETTER either. If she's not better by Thursday when he gets paid, i'm gonna have to take her to the doc and just pay for it out of pocket because her soonercare won't be reinstated by then. UGH, i hate how long it takes to get shit done around her sometimes. oh well, shit happens, and we deal with it and move on.

Speaking of the girls, it's been FUN dealing with BOTH of them being sick. Ivy started Friday at school. I got a phone call saying she'd been to the nurses office twice, and that she wasn't feeling well and they wanted to find out what i wanted to do. So i went and picked her up. She came home with a bit of a fever and complaining of body aches. i think it's just a bad case of the flu, and we will just have to wait it out. Just sucks because she's missing so much school. Hopefully she gets to feeling better soon, cause i hate her having to be at home and missing the classes she REALLY wants to do. So Ivy's been sick since Friday afternoon. and then yesterday Desiree came in to the living room and told me "mommy, i feel yucky" (she's speaking way too clear now. Sometimes it scares me, lol) So i felt, and SHE was running a fever too :( Poor babies. I hate it when they are sick and there isn't much i can do but give them meds for the fever and cuddle them ( for a bit cause i don't want to get sick myself) Hopefully they get over it soon, and neither Ruben nor I end up with it. That's the LAST thing we need. Last time ruben was sick, he ended up in the hospital for two nights. UGH. WORST TWO NIGHTS OF MY LIFE! Andi 'm sure he'd say the same. So they've been just laying around the house feeling blah.

With the weather changing, and it getting so cold outside, i've been feeling like shit myself. It never helps my moods to feel like this either. I hurt really bad right now. Especially that right leg that was reinjured in the car accident. Just makes so many things difficult to do. And keeping up with the girls (even while sick) is one of those things. At least i know i can curl up in my bed with my big heavy comfy comforter and get some good sleep.

I just have to keep telling myself, one more day and then he gets paid and we will have a slight cushion again. i hate having to be so stressed out. it's not good for me. i've noticed the anxiety and frustration has made my heart hurt. Like there's a ton of pressure on it. i hate that feeling. And then it "skips a beat' sometimes, which i hear isn't all together abnormal, so not to worry about it. But it can be very unsettling. Hopefully i can figure that out soon too.

Anyway, for now, i'm gonna go curl up in bed and try to get some sleep. Hopefully the binural beats i've got, and the scent of lavender i've got burning in their right now (gotta love my candle looking oil burner) will help me get a good nights sleep. gotta get up early enough to call her into school, and then we're gonna work on her make up work and try to get it all done. that way when she goes back, we will have only the one day (hopefully she can go back Thursday) to make up from there over the weekend. SOO, gonna stop rambling and hit the sack. LATERS!