"Stay at home mom"

I once heard a newly married woman say she couldn't wait to have kids and be a stay at home mom. She said she was ready to not have to work full time. I had to bite my tongue not to laugh in her face. She really thinks it's going to be a walk in the park. Something simple, and fun. And while there are days when it really is simple and fun, the majority of the time it is nowhere near.

Now, don't get me wrong. I absolutely love being able to stay home with my girls. I didn't get to do that when Ivy was little. I was the one working full time and paying the bills. And that was STRESSFUL. Finances aren't my strong suit, especially when i'm working, because i have a difficult time being up on my feet and working for 8-10 hours at a time. My fibro makes sure of that for me. But being a stay at home mom is definently exausting. It's stressful, in it's own little way. But the majority of the issues around here aren't "am i making enough money to pay the bills" It's more "i hope she doesn't fall and bust her lip" Or, "what am i gonna fix for lunch", or "where can we go to run some of their crazy pent up energy out". Changing dirty diapers, cleaning messes that seem to appear out of NOWHERE and within SECONDS of just cleaning that exact spot. And having two kids makes it all the more interesting. Especially since they are almost exactilly 5 years apart. THe youngest wants to be just like her big sister, and do all the same things that she can do, but she doesn't have the coordination and usually ends up getting hurt. And the oldest hates being followed around all the time. She wants to have her own space and time, etc. And living in an apartment with no backyard, to many other kids, and for the time being at least, no playground equipment (they better get it on the first of april like they said they are, because the kids around here are going CRAZY) we are pretty much stuck in the house. So we go from one mess to another mess to another movie we've seen a billion times, etc.

And while it may not be PHYSICALLY as difficult as most of the jobs i've had int he past, Emotionally and mentally it is EXAUSTING. When the kids fight, or are into everything, or keep messing up things that we just cleaned, or one fights with not brushing their hair, or not wanting to take a bath, etc. it can really take its toll. I deal with migranes, and sometimes i've got one when i'm dealing with all that, and it makes it that much more difficult. I love my girls. I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. But when all you do all day every day is something to do with kids, sometimes you just want a night out with an adult who you can actually have a grown up conversation with. A conversation that doesn't include the names of their favorite cartoons, what random snack they want, or what park they want to go play on. I think that's why i like going to the movies with my sister in law when we can afford it. Or why i like going to the zoo with OTHER parents. The kids can go play while we get to talk. It's nice that way. Honestly, i can't wait for summer, when we can sleep in, and go out and do things that we want to do whenever we want to do them. School is great, and i'm glad that she's in such a good school, but i'm ready for some REAL time with BOTH girls again.

Neway, i need to get off here and go finish cleaning. Ivy gets out of school in an hour, and i want to make sure that it's all done by then so she can get her homework finished in a clean room before they play again. At some point i need to get to the store, pick up some rice cereal and some corn. I might just wait and do that tomorrow. Ivy will have her walking stuff tomorrow afternoon, for the marathon, and i'm not sure i'm gonna want to hang around while they do that this time. Really hard to keep up with Desiree, and there isn't really much to do up there. Just sit on the playground and be bored. Hopefully she won't hate me because of it. LATERS