This post is gonna be a bit weird. Just a lot of random things that have been floating around in my head for a while that i need to get out. They will be done in list form, and in no specific order. If you think any of them are about you, PLEASE ask me before you just assume, k? I just need to get them out of my head before it explodes
1 - you go from one extreme to another, always flipflopping so fast it's hard to keep up. One minute you're my best friend and will be there for me no matter what, but at the slightest hint that something isn't going the way you want, you just kinda drop me like it's what you've wanted to do all along. make up your mind, or get out. It's not worth the trouble, or the stress, trying to figure out what i can or cannot say that might or might not piss you off. I want to be friends. You've always been there when i really needed you. You've helped me through so much i can't even begin to tell you how much it helped. But this flip flop attitude is a bit much.
2 - stop making plans that you don't intend to keep. If you invite me somewhere, be sure you're gonna show up too, because you don't have a clue how much it hurts to get an invite, get the girls and I all excited, and show up only to get a message that you can't make it. WTF? seriously, that sucks, and it's really low. And don't let me make plans that you aren't going to keep either. It's unfair, and it's rude, and it really really hurts.
3 - Don't expect me to just drop everything and answer your ever beck and call. I gotta sleep too ya know? And i've got other things i've gotta do. Just sayin, welcome to reality and being an adult.
4 - Stop bitching about something you aren't willing to change. If you want to do something, do it. If you want to stop doing something, then stop. They will never change as long as you cater to their ever whim. They need to grow up just as much as you do. If you're not gonna do somethign to change it, then PLEASE, for the love of god, stop bitching about it to me. That irritates me more than you will ever ever know.
5 - Stop expecting your children to do everything for you. You're holding them back, and holding them down. You're stressing them out, making them sick, and you don't seem to give a shit at all, and it breaks my heart. They are great people, and need the chance to be on their own taking care of themselves and making their OWN mistakes, not paying for you to make yours. Hell, i'm not even your daughter. I just married your son, and you have tried to take things from us. We have gone out of our way to help you when we have it, out of some lame loyalty to you for everything you did for us (even though there were some really bad times too, just sayin) Get off your asses, get a job, and take care of yourself so you kids can start taking care of themselves.
6 - I hate that you did what you did to me. I hate that you took advantage of me. i hate that i haven't been able to tell anybody about it because i'm afraid of what they might say or do. I hate that i've held this inside for so long. The nightmares i have about that night haunt me, keep me away, and cause me so much anxiety that i can't function some days. I wish you would die, and i just pray that you never do it to anybody else, ever. If i believed in Hell, you'd certainly be going to a special little corner just for people like you. But seeing as i don't, and i believe in reincarnation, you will be the ant that i step on every time i see it, or the roach that i squash. you will be the lowest form of life that the Goddess can find for you. Until you learn your lesson, you will live that way for a long time.
7 - You need to step up, no matter what happens tonight, and take back what you need. It is evil that he has used your hospitality for so long. He stresses you out, makes a mess, and doesn't take care of anything around the house, but yet you still let him stay. Tonight needs to be a wakeup call, no matter what, that he needs to get out. Give him a month to find his own place, and change the locks. Throw his stuff on the lawn if he doesn't come get it, or in the trash. You need to stop being so soft. When it comes to business, you can be the hardass from hell, but you can't take care of this? view it as a good business decision, and make it happen. And when you do, i'll come help you pick the pieces up and put things back together for you guys. It's the only way you will be happy. Just saying.
8 - you need to step up and help around the house more. you need to stop bitching about things as soon as you wake up, and instead find something good to say. That's all i ask. Just don't expect perfection, because i will never be perfect.
9 - i seriously need someone to fight with. Or somethign new to do. Or some kind of art project, or music to learn, or place to go, etc. I've been stuck in the same rut for so long, i feel like i'm loseing my mind. Hopefully this weekend will work out and it will help me talk about some stuff and let me get rid of some of this pent up emotion. but i have a feeling it either won't work out right, or i won't be able to let thigns out. And i won't be able ot do much new until next year when we have more money. I just pray that we keep our plans for next year, because seriously, i'd LOVE to be able to do the thigns we are planning.
and last but not least 10 - I HATE reading about all the things you are out doing with your friends. especailly when you are close enough to me that i could come with you. I mean, did you forget my number? Or just that i exist? either way, it's not kool. I'm a stay at home mom now. It's not like i have much that i HAVE to do. I've got the middle of the day with just Desiree and I during the school year, and ALL DAY during the summer. Just once in a while, it woudl be nice to be remembered, ya know? i still feel like the "new girl" even though we have been here for almost 6 years straight, and for almost 8 with those few breaks in there. I know you're "busy" but when you go out with friends, if you can give me notice (even just a couple hours) maybe once in a while i could come with you. Just saying, k?
Ok, i need to get off here and let Ivy play jumpstart before she drives me crazy. Desiree is taking a nap, and Ruben's asleep. So it could be some quiet time for me to play Epic Mickey :) Yep, think that's what i'm gonna try to do. LATERS
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