I think i've finally gotten to a point where i can let myself cry. I always felt like i was weak because of it all. If i cried, i felt like i was doing something wrong, and i wasn't strong enough. Now, i'm realizing that it's ok to cry. It just shows that you're human.
Yesterday was a great day. LONG and HOT, but great. My Best friend in the world, Cassie, and my other friend and her daughter, Amy and Carolina, came up from arkansas. We met at my house, and then went up to the OKC Zoo. It wasn't too bad when we got there. Got tram bracelets and rode the tram first, got to see all that stuff. Then we went and walked aroud the majority of the zoo. It was wonderful. Got to visit, see things that they hadn't seen before, and just got to really enjoy the company.
When they left though, i cried. I cried all the way home. I miss them soo freaking much it hurts. And being stuck up here, without anybody who is willing to make the time for me to hang out, gets really lonely. I've gotten used to it. But it's still very hard sometimes. Some days are definently worse than others. Today, for example, is pretty bad. I knew it would be, since i got to see them yesterday, but still. I guess the best way to describe how i feel some days is this : I feel like a single mom of two living with a roommate that i don't get to see that often in a city where nobody even knows i exist. Don't get me wrong, i've got friends. lots and lots of friends. But just none in this city that take the time to remember ME when they start to make plans. I have to make phone calls, make plans, and PRAY that they actually come through with their end of things. I'm hopeing to work up a good relationship with Brenna's mom. That way we've got kids and can go do things with the kids, and they live stupid close to us, so it wouldn't be too big of a deal to just walk over to their house for the kids to play (if they can, ya know?) We are close enough to certain things to go do them. Like parks, chuck e cheese, the water canal, and even the zoo. So if i had someone closer that would be able to visit with me too, it would be wonderful. I think this week, i'm gonna get my house straightened up, and see if the kids want to visit for a while. Maybe have a movie day. Pick up some popcorn or some ice cream or popsicles (yeah, i cna't spell, what about it?) and just hang around the house. I'm sure we could find something on Netflix that everyone would enjoy watching. IDK, maybe . If i can get over this damn anxiety that is.
I seriously can't wait for next year. Lots of things are going to change. i'm pretty sure we've already come to an agreement about how things are going to be spent. The first and most important thing is going to be paying the lease off for the full year. It will be 6,600 dollars right off the top of the return, but it will be worth it because it will allow us to have 550 a month to spend. And that means we can get the AC in the car fixed, we can make more trips to arkansas, we can take vacation days and just go if we decide. We will have the money for a zoofriends pass, passes to the science museum, season passes to white water and frontier city, etc. It will just be nice to get to go wherever we want, whenever we want. I just pray that it actually happens, because if i get my hopes up and it doesn't, then it will make for one hell of a long year, ya know?
Neway, time to go. Already came and went for laundry. it is DAMN HOT out there, and i hate the heat, so it's nice to be back home. :) Gonna turn on some more Veronica Mars, drink some tea, or perhaps a mixed drink, and relax before it's time to wake Ruben up and fix dinner. LATERS
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