Finding the words

So often, i find myself at a loss for words that really explain what i am thinking or feeling. So many words run through my head. Around and around and around the run, but never stop long enough to catch. I have things that i need to say, want to say, things that people need to hear. Good things, bad things, everyday things. Lots i want the world to know, but can't find the right words to say. And it's the most frustrating feeling i've ever had. To have something so important running through your head, keeping you awake at night, haunting your dreams while you sleep, but not be able to say a word that anybody else can understand.

I need to find someone i can open up to. Someone i can tell things to that won't judge me. That won't make me feel like crap about what i'm saying or thinking or doing. Just need an outlet. I have no urge to hurt myself, or anybody else. I know that things will get better, and that i can survive anything as long as i believe i can. But there are things that upset me. Things that i can't quite handle alone. Things that i can't really talk to certain people about because they all assume that i'm being a drama queen, or that it's more serious than it really is. So i've gotten to where i just don't say anything. Being overwhelmed is better than being accused, if that makes sense?

I know i need a break. Just someone to help out around the house. Help me get caught back up. I got sick, and it got away from me. It's not horrible, by any means, but it is certainly cluttered. I know that if i get the energy, i need to at least get the trash taken care of. That is the part that drives me the craziest. The rest i can finish later.

I can definently tell it's summer vacation. I don't feel like doing crap, lol. Oh well. Today is wednesday, middle of the week. Always a boring time anyway. It's the start of a new month, which is always a bore. Paycheck tomorrow. Hard to believe we spent that entire extra money in less than two weeks! But it was definently worth it. Just wishin i'd saved a TAD bit more. This weekend i think we are gonna go to the lake, if we can find Ruben a pair of swim trunks he likes. And i fix my top. Shouldn't be TOO hard, but just gotta get it done. it's been FOREVER since i've been to the lake with the intention of swimming. It will be great.

Right now, i'm gonna turn on another movie, find something to eat, and try to catch at least a cat nap. It's been a long morning, i'm exausted and hurting, and i just can't bring myself to do anything else. Darn fibro. Why do you hate me so? haha.

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