I love that song by Skillet. Hero. It is such a good song. They have a lot of music i like. Which is weird, cause usually i'm not big on the christian music. Maybe it's because most of what i think of is just the traditional stuff, like i can only imagine. Not that those are bad songs, just can't listen to them all that much.
Another song by them that really hits home right now is "sometimes". I've had some pretty crappy days the last little while, and i'm just in a mood. Just want to sit and cry, or punch the shit out of something. And i've had tons of anxiety, and it's not really over any one thing in particular. Just a bunch of things all piled up. which is frustrating, because trying to explain to people what's going on i get the "well, that's not THAT bad" because everything is such a small thing. So lately, i've just been holding it in and not talking about it, and then taking the anxiety and frustration out on the house. Got my living room completley cleaned and organized the other day. Looks damn good too. And we did the kitchen and game room yesterday. And i took apart and cleaned two of my fountains. I bet the sound of running water will be nice and relaxing. I'm hopeing it will help with the tension i've been feeling.
My next big project is gonna be the girls bedroom, and then my bedroom. Neither should take all that much. The girls bedroom always takes the longest, but it's just organizing their toys. I need to find some little bins for this shelf thing i bought so i can put them in it under their bed. Should be a bit easier for them to keep up with, i hope. I guess we will see though. I've tried a lot, and it's just not helping at all. And then i need to get in the closets and sort through the clothes and get rid of some. They have too many, and some don't fit, or are dirty, etc. So i need to just suck it up and get rid of them. I know Savanah can use the smaller baby clothes. So we will give her those. And the girls only wear a few things anyway, so what's the point of keeping ALL their clothes if they aren't going to use them? So i am gonna make some room and get things organized better. Just need a day where i've got the time and the space to do it. So probably see if Ruben can't watch the girls for a while either one morning, or Friday, and let me just go at it. Get things organized and sorted, and then load up the car and take things over to donate them to people who really need them.
THEN comes the hardest part. The girls toys. They have SO MANY, and some are broken or missing pieces, and others are just like kids meal toys that aren't all that important, and stuff like that. SOO, i need to get in there and really organize out the GOOD toys, and then either sell or get rid of the other ones. That way things have a place, and there aren't so many that they can't keep up with them all. I can't wait until next year, when i will have the money to get the stuff i REALLY want to get for them. I want to get one of the 3 by 3 square shelves and the bins to go in it, with the windows in the front, or the places for a pic or whatever. That way each bin will have it's own toy, with the picture on the front, so they can't tell me they don't know where anything goes, because it will all have a place. And then i'm probably gonna get Ivy one of those loft beds, and put their toys and stuff under her bed, so there is more space. Either the toys, or her homework desk. Open the room up and have enough space for them to really play and have space for everything without it feeling all cramped. At least, i hope things work out next year. Just have to be patient and see what happens.
So yeah, lots that i WANT to do, but right now, honestly, i have no motivation to get it done. It's exausting when i have no help with most of it. Don't get me wrong, i'm thankful for Ruben working the job he's got. I don't like that it's nights. It's a serious spot of anxiety for me some nights. But it pays the bills, allows for fun stuff, and is steady work. It just leaves us a bit broke, because we seriously have every freaking penny going budgeted out. But i manage to make it work. Basically, his overtime (when he gets it) is the extra money, or anything left over from when i overbudget is extra. Like this month i set back 250 for our electric bill, but it's less than 200, so that 50 is gonna get set back for our summer money. We used the last stuff for the movies, and some extra gas money, and ice cream, etc. So it was put to good use, but then things went crazy and we had to use what was left of it for important stuff. SOO, having it back will be good.
Between the dollar theatre being right around the corner, our zoo pass (for days it's not AS hot, or early in the morning) and there are a couple other things we might go do when we have a bit of extra money. i'm hopeing to get some work soon, so we can have a little MORE extra money and we can go to like the science museum, or back to the lake when it's not AS hot. Next year will be nice because we are gonna go camping with my mommy and daddy (who i am missing TERRIBLY right now) I think it will be fun. That was some of the stuff i loved the most. Hiking, camping, swimming in the lake, having a campfire and roasting marshmallows. I miss those days. Seriously need to make time for family time. We don't get nearly enough.
Next year, what we are hopeing to get done is to pay the lease up for a year, which will be 6600 dollars (as long as we get the income tax return we are expecting) and it will still leave us a touch out of that, but then it will leave us 550 a month free! which will be GREAT. It will let us save some, and use it for things we REALLY want to go do, like gencon, and more trips to Arkansas. As long as it works, it will be GREAT!
Neway, i need to shut the lights off in the house and get it to cool off again. Find something worth watching on TV. Keep the kids from going crazy. And find something to keep me occupied. Might get started on the clothes. They are driving me crazy.
LATERS
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