Hurricane

Life is nothing but a hurricane. Constantly fighting against a wind that is so strong it changes the way you see the world. You grasp for a grip, reaching, struggling just to walk a straight line. You push forward, just wanting to get to the other side, knowing the harder you fight the harder the wind will blow. Sometimes you just want to open up and let it carry you away, because it has to be easier than this. You look around as your world gets pulled apart, and you realize there is nothing you can do to stop it. The tears well up, threatening to fall from your eyes. Instead you pull them back, hold them in, keep them hidden. But all the while they pool inside, filling what little of yourself you had left, drowning you in the sorrow you refuse to allow the world to see. But how do you change the way you've always been? how do you take that first step when you know the wind will just knock you over, and you'll have to start again? You try to scream out, but the only screaming is inside your head, where the rest of the world can't hear. You paint the smile across your face for the rest of the world to see, knowing full well it's a lie. You answer their questions with that smile, and the words that you think they want to hear. Because if you told them the truth, they might judge you. If you told them the truth, they might do something drastic, and that's a terrifying thought. You close your eyes for just a second, letting the wind grab you for mearly a moment, and when you open your eyes, you find yourself standing on the edge of a cliff you can't see the bottom of. You open your arms, close your eyes, and finally let it all go. Peace awaits you, if you only have a little faith in where that wind will take you.

Just having faith isn't something i find easy. Letting things just happen, and believing that i will end up where i'm supposed to end up, is so much harder than it sounds. I thank god every day for the wonderful support system i have in place. For the wonderful friends i have that help me through when things seem so dark it's hard to see the end. I would never give up. That's just not in my blood. But that doesn't mean i don't pray for the hurricane to stop blowing and for it just to rain. I'd like to see the rainbow on occassion, if you know what i mean.