rollercoaster

Riding a rollercoaster can be so much fun. It's the ride of unknown. The twists and turns, and ups and downs. Just when you think you know what's coming, it spins you around again, and you find yourself pulled in another direction. You throw your hands up, and let it carry you along, enjoying the sensation of not knowing what's going to happen next.

Well, life can be like that sometimes. A constant rollercoaster. Emotions run wild, going crazy at the drop of a hat. Fear, and happiness, and love, and hate. All welling up inside, pulling you every which way but straight. It can be so dizzying. And we all find ourselves trying to control it. Trying to twist the tracks in the direction we want them to go. Fighting a neverending battle to get to the end that WE want. It all comes back to faith in the end. Really, it's always about faith. Believing that things will work out, as long as we believe, and do our best. Knowing that the end of the road isn't the TRUE destination. That it's the battles we fight in between, the way we handle the bumps in the road, and the ups and downs of the rollercoaster called life. I have never been good with the unknown. So much that i've let the fear of the unknown hold me back from fully LIVING. It's strange for me to look back and see everything i've been through, and see where i've ended up. The what ifs always get in the way. What if i'd done this, what if i'd gone there, what if i'd told someone, or not told someone, or cried, or screamed, or laughed a little more? What if things had been different. What if i had thought things through before i let myself get so far off the track i was meant to be on? I know it's in the past. I really do. And i know that there is nothing i can do to change that past. The past has made me who i am today. It made me stronger. It made me realize what i've got while i've got it. Instead of looking back and wondering what if, i look around me at the things i've got.

You know, emotions get in the way a lot. From picking out an outfit in the morning and worrying about how i will look in it, to thinking about things i messed up in the past, to wondering what tomorrow will hold, it sometimes feels like emotions run every moment in my life. I'm learning to control them, to keep them under control. It's not easy. Especially with the rollercoaster of life getting in the way of progress. But at least i love me some rollercoaster. So anyway, i'm gonna get off here and go find some stuff. LATERS