A turning point?

I read an article today that i found through another blog i keep up with. Lotsa Laundry (no, it's not about laundry. It's about the every day struggles of a mom and her family). And it really got me to thinking. I make excuses all the time for why things are too hard, or i can't do things, or i feel like i will never amount to anything. There's always some lame excuse why i just wanna give up. Lots of times i find a "reason" to stop. Curl up in a ball and forget the world for a while. But the problem i'm discovering is that just curling up and sleeping it off doesn't solve the problem. It simply makes the problem worse when you finally DO face it. It's not easy. Nobody said it would be. If there's one thing i know for sure, life isn't easy. Had my fair share of the hardships. I ran and hid, scared to face some of them. I burried them in drugs, drown them in alcohol, or bled them out. I wanted to give up, convinced that it would never get any better. But then i'd wake up the next morning, and the sun would be shining, and there were ALWAYS people there to help me along, always. Even when i was being STUPID, or trying to push them away, they were always there. And that mattered more than they will ever realize.

Now, i look back on everything i've survived, and i realize that i may not have handled them as well as i should have, BUT I SURVIVED! i'm still here. I have two wonderful daughters, a wonderful husband, great friends, and a life that isn't all that bad. Yeah, we have our ups and downs, which make things a bit difficult sometimes, but at least we are able to survive. And i realize that as long as we have a roof over our head (which i don't see NOT having, with the great friends and family we have), food in our stomachs, and clothes on our back, we can make it. If nothing else, if things go crazy, there are always options. HOPEFULLY we never have to USE those options, but it's good to know they are there.

Now, i main focus is on working through the things i've done in the past, and coming to terms with those things. And on focusing on the GOOD things in my life, instead of worrying about the bad things. We can take things one day at a time, and survive.

Today was a pretty good day all around. Ruben got some good overtime (5 hours!), Ivy didn't have a rough morning at school, We got our errands done (even in the rain they weren't that bad), Found a few things we wanna get Desiree for her birthday, Ruben went to bed early enough he shouldn't be difficult to wake up tonight, Desiree took a good nap, Ivy had a great day at school, i got a tiny nap (think i might try to get more here in a few minutes) and i got the rest of the money for the ornament order i had, so we can actually have a bit of money to get out and do something this weekend. AND i set back enough money for extra gas too, so that money should end up being extra. Gonna be sure to be careful with it, just in case, but hopefully it will be ok. And on top of that all, i discovered that our electric bill only went up two bucks :) YAY! That's such good news for me. This last month, we managed to use almost 400KWH less than the month before. That means that our bill SHOULD start going DOWN soon. :) That's good news. Just gotta keep it up. It's good cause i've always set back way too much for the electric bill. :) Just glad that things are going good for today. Yeah, tomorrow they might suck again, but at least i had a day of relaxation and good things. Sometimes that's all that you really need to remember that things are ok, ya know?

Right now i think i'm gonna turn on a movie, take some more meds, and lay down for a bit. Not feeling too hot, and i hope a nap will help. Then i think i'm gonna do spaghetti for dinner tonight, since it's quick and easy. Have to see how i feel in an hour or two. :)

LATERS