I've been having a dream (if that's what you want to call it) lately that as me doing a lot of thinking. It's about me passing away at a young age. I'm only 28 years old. In the dream, it isn't long from now that i pass away, leaving my girls and Ruben, and friends and family behind to deal with the loss. It is sudden, and very unexpected.
The dream has happened at least once a night, every night, for the last two weeks. I'm not sure how i feel about it. I have no idea what it means. But each time i wake up after having that dream, it gets me thinking. I often dwell on so many negative things in my life, and sometimes let the good things fall by the wayside. I stress over money, but forget that we've been in far worse conditions and i should be thankful for the fact we have food in our stomach and clothes on our back and a roof over our head. I stress about my health, forgetting there are others who have it way worse than me. I worry about what others think of me, instead of focusing on the people who really see me, and love me just the way i am. I have wonderful friends and family. I may not have wonderful health, but i'm still alive. My kids aren't perfect, but they are great kids. Things could be far worse, and there is always a chance they will get worse, so instead of focusing on teh bad things or difficult things in life, i have made a concious decision to tell myself something positive to replace whatever negative thoughts pop into my head.
There is a quote i read earlier. It says "life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful". I need to put that on the wall where i can read it every day. I really think it woudl help to put up some quotes like that. That, and Every day above ground is a good day. I've got a couple on my wall already, but i need more. Things to help me remember that things are not as bad as they might seem at any given minute. If anybody actually reads this, and has any good quotes, please share. I need all the help i can get.
Tonight i'm watching shows on demand that i didn't get to see all the way through. Making chicken and rice for dinner. And when Ruben gets up, we are going to play a new game we bought not long ago called scrappers. Gotta love finding things for super super cheap. We've been looking for something like it for a while. We will either play tonight, or tomorrow. Heck, i might not even watch ghe shows. i just might load up lego harry potter and kill some time on that. Dinner won't take nearly as long tonight, since i won't have to thaw the chicken. So i've got about 30 to 45 minutes to kill. SOOO, i'm outta here for a bit. Been a long couple days. i need some distraction. And hopefully tonight, a good nights sleep, even if i have to take a sleep aid and kill out all subconcious activity (no dream) to do it. LATERS
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