I have a lot to say about a lot of things. So chances are i'm going to be posting a few different posts today. Read them if you want. Skip them if you don't. I'm not going to hold back, so they might be offensive, or they might not make any sense at all. I'm just tired of all these jumbled thoughts beating against the edges of my brain and me not being able to put them into actual words to say to someone. So instead i'm going to just write, and see what falls out.....
First, I am so tired of ignorant people. People who bitch about politics, or religion, or medical, or physical, but have no idea what they are actually talking about. For example, the whole obamacare act. Reading up on it, and knowing what i know about universal health care options, it doesn't seem that bad to me. Now, i may not know that much about it either, but speaking from experience, it's gotta be better than NOTHING. Because right now, that's what I have. And with all the physical problems I've got, and the lack of health care, anything looks better than that to me. There is a TON of information out there about it. Take a few minutes, and actually read up on it before you start posting ignorant comments. And another example: Blaming the PRESIDENT for all the failed promises. I guess everyone forgot their high school civics classes. Because the president can say whatever he wants to say, but if Congress doesn't back him up, nothing will get accomplished. They want all the power and money for themselves, and fuck everyone else. The president is just a pretty face to put on for the world while Congress is the real working agency. The vast majority of the time the things they pass (Or not) have nothing to do with the well-being of the country. Instead, it's whats best for their pocketbooks. And that, to me, is heartbreaking. Nothing is going to change either, because so many people are so damn ignorant to that fact. And it's like beating your head against a brick wall trying to explain it to them. I'm just seriously tired of hearing about it when they refuse to even accept to listen to it. I just want to scream and throw things, but even that goes unheard by those who plug their ears with false words, and only see what they want to see.
Second, I am so tired of hearing people complain about things when they refuse to do anything about it. The way I look at it is this: If you can't change it, stop trying. If you can't fix it, just leave it be. And if you can't control it, don't let it control you. Take it one day at a time, handle what you can and let the rest of it go and hang on for the ride. It took me a damn long time to get to that point, and a lot of heartache and disappointment. Now, with everything going on in my life right now, that's the only way i can stay sane and stay away from all the negative things I'd run to if i let it get to me. Tomorrow will be eleven weeks since the numbness and weakness and pain in the lower half of my body started. We were expecting a full check after months of garnishment, and instead find out that the garnishment is continuing on and we have no funds set back to help with it. We have a car that is falling apart, and we have no idea what it would take to fix it, and no funds to do it anyway. But instead of sitting and crying about the whole thing (mind you, i do cry, but just enough to let the pain of the whole thing go) I get up and get moving and just make it work. So do me a favor and do the same thing. Complainers and negative people have no place in my life, so if you are that way don't be surprised when i completely stop talking to you, or delete you. It's not worth it.
Third, when i ask you to listen to me because i need someone to talk to, i'm not asking you to fix me. Unless i specificially ask you for your advice, all i need is for you to listen. I need a shoulder to cry on. And a hand to pick me back up when i fall. I don't need you to step in a be a hero. I just need a friend. So please stop trying to FIX me. I'm not broken. I might be damaged, but that doesn't make me broken. It means i'm healing, and i'll be stronger when it's done. There is something i read the other day that was pretty interesting. There is a Japanese art called Kintsugi. When, for example, a cup broke, they would fill the cracks with gold sprinkled lacquer. The result is BEAUTIFUL. And that's how i feel right now. There may be a lot of cracks and breaks, but those cracks are being replaced and made stronger by something much more beautiful. So all i ask is that you listen. Because that will help me mend more than anything you can help me do. I promise.
And last, but certainly not least: People who expect ME to reach out to them. To be the one who calls, or e-mails. But then refuse to do the same for me. I have a life too. I can't just drop everything to reach yout to you at the drop of a hat. And living up here, away from everyone, being a full time stay at home mom with two girls (especially right now in the summer) I barely have more than a few minutes to sit and write this (and only because the youngest is asleep). I can't drop everything to contact you every time. Just once, it would be nice if someone else would reach out to me. Text me. I'll reply. Call me (make sure i'm home first via text, lol) and i'll answer. E-mail me, and i'll e-mail back. I just feel lonely up here. Lonely and forgotten, because everyone else is always so busy with everyone else they've known for longer. But maybe it's wishful thinking. IDk. I guess we will see.
But for those of you who i consider BEST FRIENDS - Know this. No matter what happens, or how often we actually talk, I will always be here for you. And I love you. Never forget that. EVER!
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