So what wednesday - and other things

SO WHAT WEDNESDAY

So what if I'm tired of life knocking the floor out from under me and kicking me when I'm down.

So what if I've been thinking very seriously about buying a bottle.  I won't do it, but damn if it isn't tempting.

So what if I'm not ready for school to start this Friday. I'll miss my girlie while she's at school.

So what if the main reason for not enrolling Desi is a selfish one.

So what if I think it is insane that they are releasing the stupidest movies and really expecting people to go spend money on them. - And i think it's insane that people are actually doing it.

So what if I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, and I can't give you a single reason why.

So what if I just want to take a sleep aid and sleep for a while.  Maybe life would settle down while i slept.  Hey a girl can dream.

So what if I really don't care anymore.  Really.  About so many things.

So what if my house is a mess, and I really don't care.

So what if I know nobody really gives a shit about what I write, but I go ahead and write it anyway with the hope that someday someone will prove me wrong.

So what if I have had some crazy dark thoughts the last few days.

So what if I haven't said a lot of things I've been thinking because I'm tired of hearing the same things when I do.  So instead I keep them to myself..

So what if I'm not gonna write anymore so whats tonight because nobody cares anyway.

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Life has a crazy way of making you think you're safe, just before it pulls the floor out from under you.  Or making you think the world is coming to an end just as it fixes everything.  I have no faith though.  I have a hard time believing that it's all gonna be ok, even if it's not the way we want it to be.  Even if we want things to go one way and they end up going a completely different way, it's still ok.  As long as we have clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs, and breath in our lungs it can always be better tomorrow.  We've gone through some pretty crazy annoying things in our lives.  Just in the last 11 years since Ruben and I met, we've gone through a TON of bad things.  Living on couches or in kitchens, eating tuna helper every single night, wearing the same clothes a few days at a time because we couldn't afford to wash them, working crappy jobs just to keep the cars running from point A to point B.  So yeah.  Right now at least, we have food in our stomachs, clothes on our backs, a car that's getting from point A to point B, and a roof over our heads.  And the greatest friends in the world for helping us keep our heads above water.  Yeah, we are just treading water right now. Not going forward, but at least we aren't going backwards either. 

I've got rent covered for August.  Gonna get it paid tomorrow.  And hopefully with some work i'll do next week, and the start of Sept, I can have the vast majority of rent paid ON TIME for sept.  And I won't have to come up with a crazy amount in the middle of the month.  I've gotta see what I can come up with for october, and possibly november (although, if it does get garnished in november, it SHOULD only be a small amount out of the first check of the month and we will be done.)  I cannot wait for it to be done with.  Yeah, I'm sure life will have something else waiting in the wings, but hopefully it won't be nearly as bad this time around.  I can dream, and pray, and wish, and chant, and all that jazz, lol.  Just gotta keep pushing through and dust ourselves off once it's all said and done.

Lots and lots going on right now.  Tomorrow first thing we go get our base pass, and the check from Brita, to help them move.  Gonna need both of us there since it's not just me and the kids.  It'll have Ruben's name on the pass too.  Then we will go cash the check and get the rent paid.  Then tomorrow night I will take Ivy and her school supplies over to the school to meet her new teacher and drop off her school supplies.  Then Friday will be BUSY busy.  Not long after Ruben gets off work we will take him over and drop him off on base to start helping Nick with the moving stuff.  Then I'll come back and get Ivy ready for her first day of school. Then I'll take her over there.  We will exchange a few tears (or at least I will, lol.  HOPEFULLY she will do good).  And she will be off to her first day of school.  Then I'll drive Desi over to his moms house so she can babysit her while we help them move.  And hopefully we can get a good deal of it taken care of before it's time to get Ivy from school.  If we put our noses to the grind we should be able to get it taken care of pretty quick.  Then once that's done, we are home for the weekend.  Game night Sat, and Laundry Sun, and then a first full week of school.  I guess we will see what happens.

For now, I think i'm gonna do ravioli for dinner (since we can eat now and he can eat when he gets up) and relax a bit.  Not doing too well right now mentally and emotionally.  Overwhelmed, but it's ok.  I'll be ok.

LATERS