But bad things could happen if I did. I'm sure some people will know who i'm talking about. If you do, PLEASE don't go telling everyone what's said here. This is where I let things go, so treat it with the respect a secret deserves. Won't be using names, but like I said. Those close to me will probably know who I'm talking about.
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You gripe and complain and bitch about how things are going in your life. You say you're tired of always being broke. That you're tired of feeling like shit all the time. But then you go buy a bottle, and finish it off in one night. You go out till all hours of the night, even when you have to work the next day. You don't get enough sleep, don't eat enough, and go go go. And somehow you expect to not feel like shit? I'm sorry. Our bodies don't work that way. Frankly, i could give a shit less what you do with your life. What I care about is the fact that you're stupid enough to complain about it, and still do nothing to fix it. Go ruin your life all you want, but for heavens sake, stop complaining unless you're willing to step up and do something about it.
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I understand that your anxiety disorder causes you to need to call and check on everyone you love every single day. I really do (believe me, I understand the whole anxiety thing) But you're getting to the point of OCD here. Calling me at least once a day to ask the same damn question that you asked yesterday. Calling me every single time something new and "exciting" happens (and I use that word lightly, as it's rarely exciting for me). Letting me know every little detail about every single doctors appointment, argument with family, phone call from friends, money problems, etc. Really? I'm not a thearpist, and you're not paying me by the hour, so can we please stop treating me like I am? That would be GREAT! Oh, wait. I forgot how it works with you. Doesn't matter what I have going on in MY life, or what problems WE are facing. I'm supposed to drop EVERYTHING so I can listen to you bitch about the same damn problems day after boring day. Sorry if I don't jump for joy.
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I thought we'd come to a workable agreement about how things are done around here. What is your responsibility, and what is mine. Yet the last week or so, it seems your memory has gotten a bit vague on you. Either that, or you're using me. And if it's the last one, that's not gonna last long at all, K? So grow a pair, and step up, and lets get this back under control before I start breaking some shit. And if you tell someone you'll have something done for them in a timely manner, it's in your best interest to get that shit done. And not make lame ass excuses. No pain no gain. Stop being a whiny little bitch and get it done.
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I hurt. Every single day (especially lately). Some days are worse than others, I'll admit that. But there is always some kind of pain that interferes with my daily activities. But you don't see me sitting on my ass all the time whining about how bad the pain is and not doing the things I'm responsible for. And I do it without crazy amazing painkillers. You, on the other hand, have narcotic painkillers, and you STILL sit on your ass and do nothing claiming you're hurting too bad. We all know it's because you're stoned off your ass. We all know that it has nothing to do with the pain. It's you being lazy. So do me a favor, and just own up to it, k?
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I have awesome friends. They are there for me through the most crazy periods in my life, and they still love me all the same. Yeah, sometimes they wish I'd handle things a bit differently (you know what I'm talking about, lol) And I only hope I can be there for you at least half as much as you're there for me.
Just needed something more positive, lol. Back to the actual rant
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You know I'm having a hard time financially. You know I've asked for help. And you know you've told me you have nothing to help me with. Then why do you keep spending money on petty little shit? Trust me, your kids don't need another 20 dresses and 10 pairs of shoes. The already have more than you, your husband, our mom, dad, me, and my husband combined! And yes, I don't think that is too far off. I've seen their closet. Just saying. I told you repeatedly that anything would help. Every penny right now is that much less I have to come up with. And that takes a lot of stress off me. But nope. You're more concerned with giving your kids more clothes than they can wear in a year than you are in helping me. And truthfully, that doesn't surprise me. It hurts, but it doesn't surprise me.
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I understand you're just doing your job, but I'm pretty sure that when I signed the paper telling you i'd get your money to you by a certain date, I'm not gonna forget it that fast. I understand the computer prints the automatic notice the day after it's due. That's fine. I can handle that. But another notice two days later? Really? I know my memory is bad, but damn. Thanks for the faith. I'm pretty sure that I'm working my ASS off to get it to you. You don't need to keep constantly reminding me that it's late, and stressing me out. It's not going to get your money to you any faster. I set the date FOR A REASON! UGH! It just puts that much more stress on me when you do that. And I'm betting it's just because there isn't one preson in charge of it. You all do your own thing, and rarely check with each other to see what's been done and what hasn't. And that's just a stupid way to run an office. I'd offer to help, but I think I'd probably stab someone, and that woudn't end well for anybody involved ;) Just a bit tired of it. K? Thanks.
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I hope you can come over and tell me that the problem with my other car isn't as bad as we currently think it is. That it will be a cheap fix, and we can have it on the road pretty soon. I'm not betting on it. In fact, i fear you're going to tell me that it's worse than even I think. But I can dream right? At least I know you can take whatever part it needs, tear it apart, and put it back together. Heck, I watched you deal with it while you were checking the other car, and I think that's pretty damn awesome. I've never had enough patience to learn that stuff.
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Ok, that's enough of that. Now I've got another thing to bitch about.
Apparently Ruben didn't clock in one day this last pay period. His fucking check is 45 dollars short off what I have budgeted. I can't cover that. :( At least I can't cover that AND still make our budget work. It's making my damn head hurt. This money shit needs to stop, and it needs to stop soon, or it's gonna put my ass in the hospital with a freaking heart attack or stroke. Stress is killer. They've done studies on it. It's a proven fact. So I need to find some way to destress, without breaking promises. This seriously sucks.
I think for now I'm just gonna go take a sleep aid and muscle relaxer, curl up in a ball and cry, and see if I can manage to get a good nights sleep. See if I can get a new perspective on it after some sleep on a new day. I'm sure we will make it work. I just have no clue how right now. Not at all.
BLAH!
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