I am sick of people thinking I want a handout instead of listening when I say I am willing to work for what I need. It is so frustrating because I've said as much, and they still think I just want them to give it to me. I am not lazy. I am not a moocher. I will work for what I need, if you'd just give me a chance (and accept that I can't do all the things you seem to think I need to be able to do). I can clean house, organize, babysit, or something like that. I can't do heavy lifting because physically I don't have the strength. I can't be up on my feet all day long because of the pain. But I will work as hard as i can to do whatever someone needs me to do if they'd just give me the chance. If I hear one more person bitch and complain that I am lazy or mooching or just asking for handouts I'm deleting every single one of them.
I am sick and tired of money problems. I'm sick of working my ass off, and Ruben working his ass off, and pinching every single penny we have, and still not having enough. Having to borrow money PISSES ME OFF! I want to be stable again. I want to be able to pay all our bills on our own without having to borrow money. I want to be able to be stable and comfortable, and I still want to be able to go out and do something too. I can't wait for the chance to take the girls to the zoo again, or take them to chuck-e-cheese, or drive out to the lake. I want to be able to go out to eat more than just on special occassions. I want to be able to go to the movies, both with the girls and with Ruben, and with other friends when they are going out too. I want to be able to just get in the car and drive to Tulsa, or down to Arkansas, or even down to the gulf to see the water and be on the beach. Yeah, it's a pretty decent drive, but it's something we enjoy doing. Go down there, get a hotel room for a couple nights, spend a day on the beach, and then come back. To actually get a good vacation. But right now we are robbing Peter to pay Paul. We are on the last leg of our car. At this rate we aren't going to have any money for Christmas for the girls (but hopefully we can get into that Toy Shoppe again through the school. I need to send the councelor a message to find out what's going on, ya know?) I just hope next year goes the way we are planning for it to go.
And the thing I'm the most sick of is this:
I'm sick and tired of asking for help, and someone says they can help me by loaning me the money, or having me come work for them, or something like that. And then a day or two later I get a call, or message, that they aren't going to be able to help. Ok, fine, whatever. But it's after that, when they are posting about the new stuff they just spent a hundred bucks on, or the movie they went out to see, or the new games or whatever they bought. Apparently it's more important to buy three or four bottles of wine than it is to help me out. It's more important to buy a new board game, or computer game, or WM models than it is to spot me 50 bucks to make my RENT so I can keep a roof over our heads. It's BS, and I don't feel bad about saying that. If I have someone ask me for help, I do whatever I can to help. And ya know, it's not even about the fact that they are out spending their money. It's about the fact that they said they'd help, and then backed out, and THEN went and bought it all. If they would just say "Sorry, we can't help out cause we were going to use this money for this reason" it wouldn't hurt so bad. It's the flaky attitude that pisses me off, and makes me feel like they are just saying this stuff to shut me up because they don't want to deal with me. It may just be me being paranoid, but that's how it feels and it really sucks.
I am just tired of giving everything I can to everyone in my life. Tired of going out of my way to do whatever I can to make them feel special, or help them out of a difficult spot, or make them smile when they are having a bad day, and then getting shit on in return. I understand most of my friends are as broke as I am. And I understand it really sucks to have someone come and ask for help. But what people have to remember is that I HATE HAVING TO ASK FOR HELP. With a passion that burns hotter than the sun, k? If I'm asking for help, it's important. If I'm asking for help, I've tried EVERYTHING ELSE that I can think of first. I wouldn't be asking unless I was desperate. And I'm not asking for freebies. I'm willing to work for it. I'm willing to pay you back as soon as I've got the money. I'll even make payments as I have them. But just do me the favor of not being wishy washy. If you don't want to help, just tell me know. Don't tell me you can help me only to back out on me and then go spend the money somewhere else. Just say no, I can't help you because I've got other plans for that money. I can't hold that against you. I can hold it against you to say yes, then no, then yes, then no, then go spend the money somewhere else that isn't as important. THAT pisses me off.
Ok, soooo, yeah.
I'm loving the fact that the weather is turning pretty again. It's nice to be able to get out and do things without feeling like I'm burning up in the process. But at the same time, I seriously wish we had the gas money to get out and do more, haha. Soon. Very soon.
It's the second week of october. In just over a month we should be through with the garnishment stuff. And I swear to god, if it doesn't end this time, I'm gonna flip the fuck out! They better get their shit straight, get the last of their money, and get out of my fucking life! And I will never look back, heh.
Feeling like crap lately. The weather changing is driving me up the wall, and I just can't keep up with everything going on with me feeling this icky. It always kicks my ass, but this time it seems to be a billion times worse. It's hard to believe that this has been going on since April 13th. It's been 6 months now as of the 13th of this month. That is CRAZY to me. I still do ok, in the grand scheme of things. But there are days when I am emotional as hell because there are things I want to do that I can't. I hate that I'm gaining weight because I can't be as physical as I used to be. I hate that I can't really play with the girls because it hurts so bad. I hate that there are days that I can't keep up with my house because moving hurts.
It's irritating.
For now, I'm gonna get off here. Fixing Chili for dinner and gonna let it simmer all day. Bout time to get Ivy from school, and then I think I'm gonna take a bath and try to take a nap. And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Life is kicking me while I'm down, and I can't take it much more.
UGH!!!
And the thing I'm the most sick of is this:
I'm sick and tired of asking for help, and someone says they can help me by loaning me the money, or having me come work for them, or something like that. And then a day or two later I get a call, or message, that they aren't going to be able to help. Ok, fine, whatever. But it's after that, when they are posting about the new stuff they just spent a hundred bucks on, or the movie they went out to see, or the new games or whatever they bought. Apparently it's more important to buy three or four bottles of wine than it is to help me out. It's more important to buy a new board game, or computer game, or WM models than it is to spot me 50 bucks to make my RENT so I can keep a roof over our heads. It's BS, and I don't feel bad about saying that. If I have someone ask me for help, I do whatever I can to help. And ya know, it's not even about the fact that they are out spending their money. It's about the fact that they said they'd help, and then backed out, and THEN went and bought it all. If they would just say "Sorry, we can't help out cause we were going to use this money for this reason" it wouldn't hurt so bad. It's the flaky attitude that pisses me off, and makes me feel like they are just saying this stuff to shut me up because they don't want to deal with me. It may just be me being paranoid, but that's how it feels and it really sucks.
I am just tired of giving everything I can to everyone in my life. Tired of going out of my way to do whatever I can to make them feel special, or help them out of a difficult spot, or make them smile when they are having a bad day, and then getting shit on in return. I understand most of my friends are as broke as I am. And I understand it really sucks to have someone come and ask for help. But what people have to remember is that I HATE HAVING TO ASK FOR HELP. With a passion that burns hotter than the sun, k? If I'm asking for help, it's important. If I'm asking for help, I've tried EVERYTHING ELSE that I can think of first. I wouldn't be asking unless I was desperate. And I'm not asking for freebies. I'm willing to work for it. I'm willing to pay you back as soon as I've got the money. I'll even make payments as I have them. But just do me the favor of not being wishy washy. If you don't want to help, just tell me know. Don't tell me you can help me only to back out on me and then go spend the money somewhere else. Just say no, I can't help you because I've got other plans for that money. I can't hold that against you. I can hold it against you to say yes, then no, then yes, then no, then go spend the money somewhere else that isn't as important. THAT pisses me off.
Ok, soooo, yeah.
I'm loving the fact that the weather is turning pretty again. It's nice to be able to get out and do things without feeling like I'm burning up in the process. But at the same time, I seriously wish we had the gas money to get out and do more, haha. Soon. Very soon.
It's the second week of october. In just over a month we should be through with the garnishment stuff. And I swear to god, if it doesn't end this time, I'm gonna flip the fuck out! They better get their shit straight, get the last of their money, and get out of my fucking life! And I will never look back, heh.
Feeling like crap lately. The weather changing is driving me up the wall, and I just can't keep up with everything going on with me feeling this icky. It always kicks my ass, but this time it seems to be a billion times worse. It's hard to believe that this has been going on since April 13th. It's been 6 months now as of the 13th of this month. That is CRAZY to me. I still do ok, in the grand scheme of things. But there are days when I am emotional as hell because there are things I want to do that I can't. I hate that I'm gaining weight because I can't be as physical as I used to be. I hate that I can't really play with the girls because it hurts so bad. I hate that there are days that I can't keep up with my house because moving hurts.
It's irritating.
For now, I'm gonna get off here. Fixing Chili for dinner and gonna let it simmer all day. Bout time to get Ivy from school, and then I think I'm gonna take a bath and try to take a nap. And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Life is kicking me while I'm down, and I can't take it much more.
UGH!!!
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