Life - with all it's ups and downs

There are a lot of things in this world that I will just never understand.

I will never understand why some people do so much damage and cause so much pain to their fellow human beings. I will never understand how someone can blow up the finish line of a marathon, like what happened in Boston today. Like so many sensless killings over the last few years. I just don't understand how someone can hate life that much.  I just hope that they are found quickly and brought to justice. Every time I hear something like that, all I wanna do is pack my friends and family up and haul us off to a private island in the middle of nowhere - far away from all the hatred, and greed, and frustration.  It's just too bad that we can't really do that because real life tends to get in the way.

I will never understand how people can expect so much of someone else when they refuse to do anything themselves.  They expect you to do everything in the world for them whenever they call, but you're not allowed to do the same.  You can't even ask for help without being held responsible for stealing part of their ME time.  So frustrating.  And people wonder why I don't answer my phone some days.  It's easier to just forget the world exists sometimes.

I will never understand the stigma around mental illness - Even in its simplest forms - like people believe you are doing what you're doing for attention.  Like you're doing it on purpose.  Like you WANT to freak out every time you get behind the wheel of a car, or any time you get your hands dirty.  Like you WANT to pull your hair, or pick the scabs off of old cuts and scratches.  Like you WANT to scar yourself up, and then hide it.  It just confuses me how people shun it instead of stepping up to help do something about it.  You may not be able to do much more than listen to what's going on - and what they have to say may either make no sense at all, or be something you find small and insignificant.  But to have someone to talk to about things that absolutely terrify you - even if they really are small things - can help more than most could ever understand.  I just wish more people understood that.

I will never understand how certain people expect you to constantly call/ text/ message/ IM them, like that's all you ever do.  Yet they never return the favor.  I don't think people understand how it feels to be completely ignored unless you reach out first - and even then not really getting anything in return. 

FOR THE RECORD:

It really sucks

I will never understand people who make plans with someone, and then cancel those plans to go do something with someone else - and they don't tell the first person.  - I think that's why I miss arkansas as much as I do.  At least the people down there kept their words - or if they couldn't they'd at least call and let you know what was going on.  Up here - not so much.  The last few times I've tried to make plans with people that I'd like to get to know better - they've said "sure, lets go" - and then cancled on me.  And I didn't find out until I CALLED THEM to find out what's up.  WTF people?  Truly, I don't even really care if you'd rather go do something with someone else.  Really.  But if you're going to tell me you're going to do something, and then change plans - at least have the DECENCY to let me know BEFORE I show up at your house and you're not there.  K?  Thanks.

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.....In the grand scheme of things, I live a very blessed life.

Even when we were going through some of the hardest times of our lives - we never went without a roof over our head, at least one meal a day in our stomachs, and clothes on our backs.

I've always had friends and family standing beside/ behind me in everything I've ever done.  And I just hope they know just how much that actually means to me.  You guys have pulled me out of some pretty sticky situations, and I'm still here today because of you.  THANK YOU.

I have the most amazing kids.

And YES, I know that I'm biased, lol.

But they really are amazing kids.  They are always wanting to help out.  They are super smart, and affectionate, and passionate.  They give the best hugs ever.  And wipe my tears when things get super hard.  I hate that we've had some pretty hard times - but they always show me how strong they are.  And that's pretty darn amazing when kids can pull adults out of a funk, heh.  :)

And I have a pretty amazing husband too.

He busts his butt working a job that he doesn't really like to provide for all of us.  He makes time to make time for us.  Even if it's just a few minutes here and there - he shows how much he loves us.  And that's a big deal too when you don't get all that much time together.

I HOPE he can get another job soon.  He's looking into working at the vapor hut (maybe - if things would work out ok).  Just depends on how much they pay, how many hours, etc etc.  Cause if he can make AT LEAST what he makes now - AND be off nights and Sundays - It'd be perfect.  PERFECT. 

So PLEASE pray that it will work out.  Cause we've put up with him working night audit for 5 years now - he'd topped out as far as how much he's gonna make there, and we don't get nearly enough time with him.  And they girls are growing too darn fast and he's missing so much of it.  And that breaks my heart.

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Ok, I've rambled enough about the good and bad of life.  Time to just talk.

Last week was Ivy's reading state test.  And I have a feeling she did ok on that one.  But this week she has two days of Math.  And that kinda freaks me out.  She has a lot of trouble with multiplication and division - which are big parts of this test as far as I can tell.  I've been doing my best to help her out, but I just don't know what else to do to make it work better.  BLAH! 

Any ideas?

It's hard to believe we are already so close to the end of the school year!!!  Seems like she just started, and here we are just less than a month (I believe) away from summer vacation!!!  I'm ready for it though.  Ready for the chance to spend time with BOTH my girlies doing things we love to do.  Like going swimming, hitting the library, and going to the zoo.  :)  YAY!!!

Oh, and Saturday was 1 year for two pretty big events. 

It was 1 year SMOKE FREE for Ruben!  :)  SOO FREAKING PROUD!  He's healthier, and so are the girls and I.

And It is a year since the MS started flairing up bad enough to really affect my life.  I'm pretty sure that's what I've had for a long time, and we just atributed it to something else every time.  But a year ago it flaired enough that we are 99% sure that's what it is (Since I STILL can't afford the MRI to confirm that's it while it's still active!!!)  HOPEFULLY we can get insurance sometime soon so I can get that taken care of.  Just have to see what happens.

Anyway, i'm gonna get off the comp and try to relax.  Not feeling too hot today.  BUT, at least I've got a simple dinner or two to fix over the next couple days.  With the weather changing, I have a feeling I'm gonna need it.

LATER TATER!

LOVE YOU GUYS!