I'll send you a postcard soon
<(:)><(:)><(:)>
You know, I've had a lot of people tell me that I couldn't do something.
And for the longest time, I believed them.
Never felt good enough at ANYTHING because of it too.
How sad is that?
But as I got older and found things I loved, I realized just how wrong they were. And I may not be perfect, but then nobody is right? I make mistakes, and have faults.
I wrote something a while back describing myself. It's my facebook profile paragraph, and it went something like this: (mind you, this is just parts of it, so if you wanna read the rest of it check out the profile on Facebook)
If i had to put myself into words, it would go something like this: I am a lover, but i will fight for what i believe in. I can be selfish and stubborn, but i will give everything to those i love. I scream, and i cry, and i hurt. But i love, and i dream, and i believe too. I show my scars with pride, and i'm not ashamed of the things i've done. They've made me who i am today. I am strong, but sometimes i need a shoulder to cry on too. I have my own political and spiritual beliefs......And most importantly: I am me. You're approval is not necessary.
And I do my best to stand by that!
Just been doing a lot of thinking about who i am,
and what I want to do with my life.
And I've come to a few conclusions.
For the most part, I am happy with my life. I have two amazing little girls, and a husband that goes out of his way to be sure we are well supported and taken care of - working a job he doesn't really like and dealing with people he'd rather shoot than have to talk to to do it too (which is a big deal). I may not be in the best health physically, and I do still have my mental breakdowns too, but I'm alive. And that it MORE than good enough.
I get to wake up every morning and spend the day with family and friends. Yeah, sometimes it's boring as hell. Yeah, sometimes all I wanna do is change everything about my life - but then I remember where we were the first five years of our relationship and I'll take boring anyday, lol.
It is so freeing to be able to accept life the way it is. It may not be everything I wanted it to be when I was a little girl dreaming crazy dreams in my bedroom. But it is perfect for me right now. :)
<(:)><(:)><(:)>
The next week is gonna be CRAZY!
Tomorrow (wednesday) I'm going out to clean for a friend of mine. Thursday is payday, then picking up my base pass, then doing birthday shopping for Ruben's birthday. Friday is cleaning house and Ruben's birthday party. Saturday is the families celebration of his birthday. Sunday is Laundry day. Monday I'm going out to clean and organize on base and then I have to clean out my kitchen for pest control Tuesday. Tuesday is the last day of school - so the awards ceremony first thing, then pest control, then going out on base to finish up my work out there. And then FINALLY it is Summer Vacation! OMG! That's a LOT for one week, heh. BUT, it's gonna be worth it in the end.
Then this summer we have a lot planned. Not any real set schedule, but lots of things we are gonna try to do more often.
Like the library once a week. Swimming at the hotel. Zoo trips - maybe as often as a couple times a week. Gonna do a family art project a couple times over the summer. Then we are gonna take a walk most mornings and try to strengthen my legs so I can walk a little better during the hot summer months, which seem to REALLY fuck with me. We are gonna do some other stuff around the house too - like Playing Skylanders, and board games, and Super Dungeon Exploer with the girls.
I know one thing that's come from the MS. I enjoy the little things more (mainly because that's all I can do some days). Something as simple as playing Mario with the girls can be pretty darn awesome, lol.
And I know NEXT weekend (the 25th) is the next OKC wars - so this week we are gonna play a few small points games because it's a small games tournament. And we are gonna finish up our Terrain because it's due for the contest next time too.
This time of year is ALWAYS crazy busy.
But ya know, I don't think I'd want it any other way.
<(:)><(:)><(:)>
Ok, now I'm gonna leave you with a couple songs I've been listening to the last little while. :) Just something that brings my heart up a bit, lol.
And LEAVE ME A COMMENT!
PLEASE!
Let me know you're reading it.
(Although, I know of only one who reads it with any kind of consistancy, and she's not even on here that often, so yeah.)
No comments:
Post a Comment