We do our best each and every day to live the best lives possible. Sometimes we succeed. Most times we make mistakes. We are human after all. But the people who expect the world to come pick them up when the fall, instead of dusting themselves off and trying again just need for someone to smack them. We've all been through a LOT in life. Nobody has it "easy". Some have it easier than others, and in the grand scheme of things I am SOOO blessed with the way we are able to live our lives. But I think a lot of that comes from the fact that we had to do without for so very long when we first got together. So when we are able to make the bills, and put food in our stomachs every single day, it's a big deal. That's kinda sad huh? But when all we ate for months on end was raman or pancakes, when we wore the same jeans until they literally fell apart on us, when we went without electricity, or gas, or water for periods of time - well, I'm sure you understand better why being able to pay all the bills on time is such a big deal. And that is such a blessing. I am so thankful for Ruben and his ability to put up with such crazy things at work and still be able to go back the next night. I just hope that he can find a better job when he decides he wants one that doesn't have quite as much petty drama. Guess we will see when things actually come to that. It's scary to think about things changing, cause that hasn't always gone well, but sometimes you've gotta jump in head first and learn to swim fast. And once Desi starts school, and I can start helping with some income on occassion, it shouldn't be such a big deal. But again, guess we will see what happens when that time comes huh?
I have faith that - as long as we do our best and work as hard as we can - that life will work out. Yeah, we've had some pretty stupid hard time - and some rather recently. But with the great friends and family, and even some people who didn't start out as friends but have grown to be some of the best friends I've got - we've made it through. And I just hope that we will be able to pay it forward. Somehow, someday, i hope that we can help someone the way we've been helped over the years.
We've been discussing having another baby. And this is the year where that discussion is going to have to reach a discussion, because come September I get my Mireana taken out and I have to decide if I want it put back in, or if I want my tubes tied, or if I want to leave it out and try for another baby. Now, I would LOVE to have another baby. I'm just not sure we'd be able to afford it. I'm not sure we could handle the stress that it would bring - with Ruben working nights, and me having to take care of it alone during the day while fighting with my physical problems. I just don't know that it will ever be possible for a third one at this point. And as much as I'd love to have another one, I am also ok with just my two beautiful girls. Some people don't even get that much out of their lives that REALLY want a baby. So it is a blessing to be able to have them. But I know we need to make that choice officially soon, because I need to make that choice when the time comes and not have to make a last minute choice. Because they never work out the way they need to, haha. We aren't so good at last minute decissions, ya know?
We were supposed to go out and visit that friend in the hospital, but life just didn't work out that way. He was having surgery this morning (sometime, no idea for sure when) and we didn't want to get there and him be in surgery, so we are just going to go tomorrow and HOPEFULLY be able to get him an MP3 player with some audio books on it since he lost his glasses in the car accident and can't really do anything like read or play games because he can't really see them. So hopefully Ruben gets his paycheck so we can do that cause we don't have the money to do it right now. I hate knowing that he's up there having to have surgery and dealing with all that stress. But hopefully this surgery will fix whatever was wrong, and he'll be able to go home soon. And one of my friends has already said that if he needs help around the house she'd be able to help him out, so that helps put my mind at least a little more.
I've been SOO emotional the last couple days. Part of it is because it's that time of the month and I always get emotional around that time, and part is because I've been hurting pretty bad. And then hearing about his accident was kinda the last straw, because it's had me on the verge of tears since I heard about it. And then knowing that the dog that's been in Ivy's life since she was LITTLE is going to die from cancer soon. I'm just a bundle of raw emotions. At least I'm handling it better than I usually do. Thank goodness for amazing friends and family helping me deal with it better or I'd be useless.
Been doing one of my intricate line drawings the last little while. Usually they are like 8 by 5 or something like that, but right now I'm doing a full size 8 by 10 sheet. It's turning out pretty good, but it's gonna take me FOREVER to finish, heh. I'll post pics of it when I'm finished. Which will probably be Friday if I keep going at the pace I'm going right now, heh. Guess I'll see for sure.
You ever felt that things were kinda coming undone at the seems? Now, I mean, it's not THAT bad (like I said above) but sometimes it feels like I've lost control of some small things in my lfie. I've been super lonely (being stuck inside because of the damn heat tends to do that, haha) so i've been trying to figure out where and when I can hang out with someone. Thinking about giving Rachel and the kids a call and seeing if we can't do the zoo soon. Get there right as they open and spend a few hours there before it has a chance to get stupid hot. HOPEFULLY she can because I need the company. And then maybe I can get together with Jacqui sometime soon too and we can do some artsy stuff, or something like that. Just have to see for sure when we can find some time.
Hopefully we can get some REAL work done on the house this weekend. We won't really be getting out cause it's gonna be HOT out there, so I'm probably going to be able to spend some real time on the house. Mainly my bedroom. Got a lot of things in there that I need to get rid of, so that'll be a good place to start.
Anyway, I'm gonna get out of here and try to catch a nap while I still can. Then get up and get some work done on the kitchen and living room cause they are starting to get cluttered again. Just need my brain to stop being such a brat and running so freaking fast, heh. UGH! Sometimes I really hate being Manic.
LATERS
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