Music is my medicine

The last little while has been a struggle, to say the least. Mental illness is no joke people.  Not even a little bit. It's something I fight with every day. Logically I know there is no reason to feel this way. I have a good life. We have a roof over our head, food in our stomachs, and wonderful friends and family. 

 

But the darkness is still there

Beating me in the back of the head, and there is no way to make it go away no matter how I try. At least not alone.

 

SOO, I've talked to some people, sent some e-mails, and done some research.  I asked a police officer friend of mine to look into programs in the city that will help. I sent emails to a couple places, and even got a response from one of them. I'm nervous as hell about actually going though. I don't know why, but it scares me to talk to these things with people in person.

 

But I know I will do whatever I have to do to get better.  My friends and family deserve that. Hell, I DESERVE THAT!. I will get better because I want to. Not because someone else says I have to. I think that's a pretty good reason, heh.

 

Anyway, back to the point of this post.

 

I'm gonna share some videos that I have been listening to a lot lately. I hope you guys like them as much as I do. A lot of them show what I have been feeling.

 

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Rascal Flatts - Why

 

 

You must have been in a
Place so dark
You couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through
That stormy cloud
Now here we are
Gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way
You meant to draw a crowd

 

Through tangled thoughts
I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that
Bad of a place

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Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain
Running on empty so out of gas

Thought I wasn’t enough
Found I wasn’t so tough
Layin’ on the bathroom floor
We were living on a fault line
And I felt the fault was all mine
Couldn’t take it anymore

......

 

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other
And I looked in the mirror and decided to stay

 

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But I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
Help me, I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, 'cause I'm just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

 

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Sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror. Especially with Mental Illness, cause what I see isn't what the rest of the world sees.  I see a broken mess. I see someone who isn't beautiful (like I think beautiful looks). I'm just plain, and it's boring. I know that's not the truth. But it's hard to look in the mirror. I just usually avoid it completely, and just pray that I don't look a hot mess.

 

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All the chances that you’re takin’
The promises that I keep breaking down
Writings on the wall
Can’t make out all the letters
But I know it’s getting better now
The writings on the wall

Get me through…

 

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Ok, enough with the darker videos.  Time for some more upbeat stuffs, hehe.

 

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Okie dokie.

Think I'm done. lol.

 

My brain is going a billion miles an hour.

Some of the thoughts aren't that great, but I WILL get better!

 

Gonna call the center I found and see what all is involved with that. HOPEFULLY we can make it work around the things that I already have going on in my life.  That's where my biggest problem with finding help lies. It's hard to find help that can work around the things that I HAVE to get done every day.

 

*Fingers crossed*

 

LATER TATER!