getting lost

You know, Sometimes the only thing that helps is getting lost in the music. Fighting urges, thinking dark thoughts, and just wondering when it will all stop.

I know I start treatment Monday

I know I just need to hold on till then

But sometimes it is SOO hard to fight.

 

I'm gonna share some of the music playing on my playlist.

I hope you enjoy it.

 

There will be more writing at the bottom, if you don't want to listen to anything you can scroll down and read the next part.

 

Thank you for being so supportive and coming here to read this. It means a lot that you take the time to read what I write.

 

 

 

I close my eyes and I hear you say

You're not alone

 

<(:)><(:)><(:)>

 



 

I'd like to make myself believe

that planet earth turns slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake

when I'm asleep

cause everything is never as it seems

 

Please take me away from here

 

<(:)><(:)><(:):>

 

He told her he loved her

and then he was gone

...

She fought back the tears as they filled her eyes

....

When the light goes out

this isn't the end

 

<(:)><(:)><(:)>

 

You can stay up there next to me

...

It's time for you to shine

Brighter than a shooting star

 

<(:)><(:)><(:)>

 

I swore  I wouldn't be

But I'm making a fool of me

I need you desperately

Dear Sobriety

 

<(:)><(:)><(:)>

 

I wish I knew what it was like
To care about what's right or wrong
I wish someone could help me find
Find a place where I belong, but

I am machine
I never sleep
I keep my eyes wide open
I am machine
A part of me
Wishes I could just feel something

 

<(:)><(:)><(:)>

 

 

Love this song so much.

I've been there
 I AM there

 

<(:)><(:)><(:)>

 

Find a way to make the hurt go away

But everyone you know

is trying to smooth it over

like you're trying to scream underwater

But I won't let you make the great escape

...

I'm not gonna lose you

cause the passion and pain

are gonna keep you alive someday

gonna keep you alive someday

 

<(:)><(:)><(:)><(:)><(:)><(:)><(:)>

 

have you ever wanted to just disappear?  To just get away from everything for a while and not have to deal with it anymore?  That's where I've been the last little while, and this last week it has been BAD.

 

Been fighting my stupid addiction urges bad the last couple weeks too. I know I can't do most of them ever again. Because it would either send me to the ER, or worse - Kill me.  And I don't want to die. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.  The only one I even really seriously consider anymore is my blades. And sometimes they win, which sucks.  But it's better than booze, pills, or hard drugs. It won't kill me.

 

I hope that Red Rock can really help me on Monday. I know I need some serious help. I've fought this for too long on my own, and I can't win.  So it's time to talk to someone who might actually be able to help.

 

I've hid things for so long though that it's going to be scary to talk about it to people I don't even know.  I'm trying to find my strength though. Through my girls, my hubby, and my friends, I have SOO much to get better for - not to mention I DESERVE THAT!  So I will do whatever it takes to get better. I will work my butt off. I just hope we can actually figure it out without it having to take too long.

 

For now though, I need to crank my music up, fix dinner, and wake Hubby.

 

LATER TATER!